How to Protect Yourself From Vampires

Traditionally, there are numerous ways to frighten, ward off, harass and anger a vampire. Here are the tried and true ways to protect yourself from the kiss (or bite) of death.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Stash garlic in vases in your room, tie it in bunches and hang it from your doors, rub it around your windows and other entrances, or wear it around your neck. Store it in the undead's grave to prevent him or her from emerging.
2. Wear a cross around your neck and you can't be harmed by a vampire. Place a crucifix in the vampire's coffin and he or she can't rise from the dead.
3. Eat bread made from flour mixed with blood from a decapitated or staked vampire, as was the custom in Poland several centuries ago.
4. Spread grain or seeds about to confuse the monster. Keep in mind that for reasons unknown, he'll always stop to count every kernel or grain and he might not get done until dawn.
5. Pile thorny branches in your front yard. Spread plenty of prickly bows about; the beast will surely get stuck on one of them.
6. Bar a potential victim's bedroom door with iron, a metal supposedly abhorred by vampires. Remember that Dracula and his cronies are also allergic to light, so keep your room well illuminated when there's a vampire in your midst.

Tips & Warnings

• Do as the Burmese did: Tie the undead's thumb to his or her toes. Or bind the beast's feet together for similar results.
• Emulate the Finns by nailing the corpse to the bottom of the coffin.
• Put a communion wafer in a potential fiend's mouth prior to burial, as was recommended by Christians of the past.
• Deposit money in the vampire's mouth as the Germans did. Many of them thought the damned had to pay Charon, the ferryman of the River Styx, for safe passage into Hades.