How to Effectively Talk to Teenagers About Sex
By the time some parents talk to their teens about sex, the kids have already learned conflicting information from friends and the media. In an age when teenagers are told to stay abstinent but faced with a constant barrage of explicit sexual information on TV and the internet, they can be confused about what is and isn't true. Let your kids know you're there to provide accurate information and that they can feel comfortable talking about sex with you.
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Instructions
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Wait for the right time. Rather than sitting your teen down and confronting him with facts and questions, allow the conversation to arise naturally. If he expresses interest in dating someone, ask him about the person. A conversation that starts with the specific can lead to the general. Let him know you're receptive to the idea of him dating and want to make sure he's prepared for the responsibility of a romantic relationship.
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Discuss facts versus beliefs. Your daughter may have received the message that because sex can lead to pregnancy, it's better to remain abstinent. Let her know that while abstinence is one way to keep from getting pregnant, there are others as well. Talk about why some believe abstinence is right for moral reasons, but present factual, non-judgmental information about birth control.
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Talk about the difference between sex and love, and let your teen know that just because others might be "hooking up," it's okay to wait until you have strong feelings before getting intimate. Explain that sex is a journey, and that listening to your partner and learning about sex together adds meaning to that journey.
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Keep a sense of humor. Let your teen know that people laugh during sex and don't be afraid to laugh as you explain it. Get specific about birth control and don't be afraid to put a condom on a banana for instructional purposes. It may be silly, but it ensures he knows exactly how to use one. The more humor you find in the situation, the more relaxed you and your teen will be. You may both be surprised at what you learn.
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Don't stop with one talk. Let your teen know she can always come to you with questions and that you'll do your best to respond objectively and truthfully. Tell her you're there to listen and check in with her from time to time. If you know she's seen a sexually explicit movie, TV show or website, don't be afraid to talk to her about it. Most of all, never assume your teen already knows everything about sex. Make sure, instead, that she knows she can ask.
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