How to Support Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage or Stillbirth

It's hard to know how to help someone who has recently lost a baby to miscarriage or a stillbirth. Although you can't make the pain go away, there are many ways that you can support the parents and help them deal with their grief.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Keepsake Boxes (neonatal Loss)
• Grief Journals

1. Be there for them. Many grieving parents retreat from the world for a while, so make an effort to keep calling, visiting and just letting them know that you are there if they need you.

2. Acknowledge their loss, don't pretend it never happened. Even an early miscarriage can cause significant and lasting grief to a couple, and should not be ignored or minimized.

3. Listen to them. They may need to talk about the loss of their baby; some parents even keep photographs of a stillborn baby that they like to show to their friends. Just follow their lead, and talk when they need to talk.

4. Offer to help them commemorate their baby. Some parents choose to hold funeral or memorial services to give them closure, while others choose to fill a grief journal or special box with thoughts and mementos of their lost baby. Ask if you can help them with any preparations they need to make.

5. Help out by offering to field calls or answer letters and cards until they feel up to it.

6. Remember that grandparents and siblings also grieve; although their loss may not be as immediate or intense as that of the baby's parents, they may still need some help getting through the next few weeks and months.

7. Take care of the parents as much as possible ' bring casseroles or groceries, offer to help with cleaning and laundry, or just ask them what they would like you to do.

Tips & Warnings

• Help them find pregnancy and neonatal loss support groups in their area or online; while they may depend on the love and support of family and friends, they may also find it helpful to meet other parents who have been through what they are going through.
• Refer to their baby by name, if they have chosen and announced a name. Many grieving parents are comforted by this acknowledgment that their baby existed, even if only for a short time.
• Avoid saying anything that might make them feel guilty. Although they may express feelings of guilt themselves, just keep reassuring them that there was nothing they could have done. This is especially important for mothers who may focus on little things that have no connection at all to the loss ' the aspirin they took or the wine they drank before finding out about the pregnancy, for example.
• Avoid saying "it was for the best," or "you can always have another baby." Many people use statements like this in an effort to be helpful, but this is not what grieving parents need to hear.

[Dianamarie]

on 4/4/2008 Pregnancy losses are so difficult because those supporting bereaved parents never really know what to say for fear of the tears. Crying is a good tension releaser.Just be there and let your friend tell the story of her sweet angel baby over and over again. These moments will be remembered for quite some time.
Pregnancy losses are sweet children just a cloud away.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above
Diana Gardner-Williams

[Dianamarie]

on 4/4/2008 Pregnancy losses are so difficult because those supporting bereaved parents never really know what to say for fear of the tears. Crying is a good tension releaser.Just be there and let your friend tell the story of her sweet angel baby over and over again. These moments will be remembered for quite some time.
Pregnancy losses are sweet children just a cloud away.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above
Diana Gardner-Williams

[Dianamarie]

on 4/4/2008 Many people ignore pregnancy losses because they are not sure how to handle the baby's death for fear of the tears. Crying is not all bad and actually releases tension. Just be there to hear how much that sweet baby meant to them. These little angels are just a cloud away.

Peace Love and Hugs from Above
Diana Gardner-Williams

on 6/30/2006 Acknowledge that your happy news may be very painful for the grieving parents. Don't be angry with them if they decide that they cannot attend your baby shower, baptism, or other ceremony. They probably feel guilty and isolated enough already.

on 2/14/2006 Often when a relative or friend dies, the bereaved will receive a card or flowers, even if they don't receive a phone call or visit from someone. In a miscarriage this is very helpful to show that the baby may not have been born yet, but was still very real to the mother and father and the pain is just as hard. A sympathy card also helps when the parents want to save mementos of their pregnancy. It is also really helpful for the sender, especially if they are at a loss for words and don't know what to say to the mourners.