How to Deal With the Emotions of Cleaning Out a Home After a Loved One Dies
The death of a loved one is never easy, but the emotional trauma and the responsibility of tending to their affairs can be overwhelming. Starting the process too soon can make the cleaning very difficult, as each item in the house may trigger very strong emotional responses. Keeping loving thoughts in mind while cleaning out her home can ease the process as well as surrounding yourself with friends and family for support.
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Instructions
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Wait for a natural calm emotional state and do not begin to clean out the passed loved one's home too soon. Allow the grieving process to take its course. Starting the cleaning process too soon can be very difficult and doing so may slow down the process significantly, as strong emotions may well up constantly. Instead, handle any immediate arrangements first, such as the funeral or memorial, will and other affairs. Only once the most pressing concerns have been dealt with can the family of the departed calmly begin sorting out the estate and personal effects.
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Follow any instructions the will has offered. If your loved one wished, for example, that her book collection be donated to the local library, then part of cleaning process would involve taking books to the library. Knowing that you helped carry out your loved one's wishes can help during this emotional time.
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Make an inventory list. Catalog all the items in the home. It may be easier to group them by category, such as shoes, suits, furniture, art, kitchenware and appliances. Once the list has been made consult family and friends of your loved one to see if there is something in particular they wish to have, perhaps a favorite painting or book. This process is very practical and actionable and can distract those cleaning out the home from their emotions. Tensions can rise if more than one person wants the same item. If no provisions in the will were provided to handle such a situation, families may vote on who gets what. A family may want to discuss what happens if such a situation arises before they begin the cleaning out the departed's home. If all else fails, the family may want to consider using the estate lawyer as an arbitrator to settle the dispute. Some people have an auction and donate the money raised to either settle the estate or to the loved one's favorite charity.
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Do not save everything. It may be tempting to hold on to and save as many belongings as possible but it is not healthy to do so and may create unnecessary clutter. Be pragmatic and save only those things most valuable or with particular sentimental value. Photo albums, a favorite book or jewelry are small things that can have a strong association with a loved one. However ,some items like clothing or furniture (unless they are an antique or heirloom) likely do not and would best be donated to charity or sold. Holding on to those items that have the strongest association makes disposing of other items easier.
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Get rid of the old stuff. Once the things in the house have been sorted by items that family members wish to keep, then several options for disposing of leftover items present themselves. Many people prefer to donate items to charities. Larger items like furniture, cars, appliances, or the home would likely be sold. Some items like old tax returns and bills should be shredded and thrown away. Keep in mind that doing this is helping and serving your loved one.
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References
- Photo Credit cemetary 3 image by sonya etchison from Fotolia.com
