How to Handle Family Conflict
Family conflicts can occur anytime, over anything. The importance of the family is such that it is worth fighting for, and planning ahead to handle the inevitable conflicts can be a good idea. Family conflict resolution can seem simple in theory, but can be immensely challenging in practice.
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Instructions
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Clarify the issues. No resolution can be found within family conflict unless the issues, both obvious and underlying, are made clear. For example, a fight might erupt over the selfishness of a spouse, but the real underlying issue might be stress caused by money problems. Working together to find the root of the problem is essential.
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Make certain that a forum can be found where all members of the family can speak without fear of retribution or interruption. Once the main issues have been identified, the next step is to air grievances. The very verbalization of problems can go a long way in helping bring the conflict to resolution. Family members should be permitted to speak without interruption or fear of being belittled. It should be a fair, open forum for all family members affected. It may be a good idea to find a neutral ground, such as a common area in the household. In the case of serious conflict, going to a family therapist office might be helpful, since that office setting is outside of the family's home environment. Hiring a therapist as a mediator to help clarify issues and listen to complaints might inject a welcome ingredient of neutrality.
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Speak in "I" statements such as "I feel that. . ." or "I am angry over. . ." This should be done in place of "you" statements, that are inherently accusatory. Making "I" statements is important because it focuses the attention on what behaviors do to others, rather than the mere venting of anger. When one says "I feel angry when you do that," it forces the other person to see the consequences of their behavior.
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Focus on your own behavior, even when it is painful or uncomfortable to do so. Conciliation cannot be affected if members of the family refuse to see their own actions in any light other than their own. There must be a sense of empathy if these fights are to be resolved. Even if one is convinced his actions are righteous, how these actions affect others--regardless of our intentions--is another matter. It is not so much the intentions that are the problem, but rather how these actions affect others.
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Plan for reconciliation. Once all the major steps are completed, a plan must be drawn up to conciliate the opponents for the long term. These may include regular counseling, quitting alcohol or gambling, more time alone, or even regular exercise to relieve stress and anxiety. This is where a good counselor can come in handy. The plan should be achievable and based on long term reconciliation of the conflict.
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References
- Photo Credit family image by Valentin Mosichev from Fotolia.com
