How to Improve Life Skills

Being a good communicator includes listening, as well as talking.

According to the official UNICEF website, "There is no definitive list of life skills." Instead, the website argues, there are just psychosocial and interpersonal skills that people use successfully. These skills include being able to communicate verbally and nonverbally, expressing your feelings, being a good listener, expressing empathy, resolving conflict and being assertive. These skills can take an entire lifetime to master, but you can start improving them immediately by changing your habits.

Instructions

1. Listen actively. Make direct eye contact with friends or colleagues when they are talking. Give cues to show that you're listening, such as nodding. Ask a follow-up question to show that you were listening.

2. Picture your thoughts as a conveyor belt, like at the supermarket. Every time you have a negative thought, pick it up off the conveyor belt, and examine it. Ask yourself why you created this thought, if there is any truth to it and if you can see it in a positive light. For example, if you think, "My boyfriend is going to cheat on me," examine if there is any hard evidence to indicate this might happen, why you have just had this thought at this moment, and if you have any desires that it actually might happen, that is, if you wish the relationship to be over.

3. Start expressing your feelings when they arise by starting sentences with the words "I feel." For example, if your younger brother asks to borrow your car, don't say: "But you'll probably crash it," thus making him feel like a bad driver. Instead say, "I feel afraid when you drive, as you don't have as much practice as I do." In which case, your brother will be forced to express his feelings, as well.

4. Deepen your sense of empathy by picturing yourself in the same situation that an unhappy friend or colleague is in. Imagine the types of specific fears he must have and how that makes him feel. Imagine what words or actions would make you feel comforted, and say them to the other person.

5. Evaluate old problems, and find new solutions. A lot of the time, things do not change because we continue to do the same thing in hopes of finding a solution. For a given problem that you have not solved, make a list of new solutions, no matter how wacky, and try them out systematically. For example, if you feel it is impossible to meet a nice person to date, you could try things like going out on blind dates, enrolling on an Internet dating site, getting a dog and going to dog parks, going on singles vacations, etc. Step out of your comfort zone to see what possibilities open up.

Tips & Warnings

• These skills can take a while to perfect: Don't get discouraged if you find yourself repeating an old habit. Just recommit to bettering your life skills at the next opportunity.

References

• UNICEF: Lifeskills
• "Lifeskills: Eight Simple Ways to Build Stronger Relationships, Communicate;" Virginia Williams, Redford Williams; 1999

Resources

• Read this Article in Spanish
• UNICEF: Lifeskills Defined