How to Talk Confidently With Your Kids About Sex

Talking to kids early gives them the tools they need to face puberty and body questions.

Talking with your children about sex and body issues can be awkward. However, children who feel they can talk openly about sex with their parents have fewer problems with body image and more confidence about their own bodies. Arming kids with information and knowledge will reassure them while they are going through puberty and feeling unusual. Allowing yourself to be open to questions and conversations will bring you closer to your children and make them feel as if they can be completely honest with you.

Things You'll Need

• Age-appropriate books and pamphlets

Instructions

1. Find some age-appropriate books that include pictures or drawings. If you are nervous about a sex conversation, explaining things can be much easier when showing your child pictures, and can clear up any confusion they have about their own body parts or those of the opposite sex. Using references such as pamphlets, talking about pregnant relatives or television characters, or using magazines to talk about body image are all ways to jump-start a sex talk with your child and open up the discussion.

2. Speak to your child honestly and candidly. Use the correct names for body parts, not cute nicknames. Be no-nonsense, but available for questions and comments. Around the age of 9, girls should begin learning about menstruation and boys should learn what happens when their bodies start to change. Explaining what happens when a baby is conceived and born is a great way for kids to be amazed at what our bodies can do. Encourage your child to ask questions, and relate stories of your own pregnancy or puberty to reassure your child about what happens to our bodies.

3. Include your own morals and values when talking about sex. A sex talk that consists solely of sex undermines the most important factor when it comes to intimacy: the relationship. Talking to kids about love relationships within the context of sex will make them understand that it's more than a physical relationship. Tell them that sex grows from a loving relationship, and it also comes with responsibility. Let them know about some of the possible ramifications of sex, such as diseases or pregnancy, and how they can protect themselves.

4. Give kids permission to explore on their own. Give them books with pictures they can look at when they are alone. Give them a mirror and encourage them to look at their bodies and get to know themselves. Encourage them to ask any questions they might have, or offer comments and thoughts. Let them know you are always available if they need help or want to know something.

References

• Oprah: Dr. Laura Berman: How to Talk to Teens About Sex
• Children Now: Talking to Kids about Sex and Relationships
• Planned Parenthood: How to Talk to your Child About Sex