How to Support a Friend or Family Member Adopting an Older Child
Older child adoption, generally referred to as adopting any child over the age of 2, occurs among single parents, couples without children and couples expanding their biological family to include adopted children. While there are challenges, which may include attachment, behavioral or emotional issues, there are advantages as well, such as having an understanding of the child's abilities, interests and health. There are several things you can do to provide help and encouragement to your friend or family member in the process of adopting an older child.
- Difficulty:
- Moderately Easy
Instructions
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Read about older child adoption and the related issues. Select one or two books about adoption and older child adoption and learn about positive adoption language, attachment and bonding, the effects of neglect, and grief and loss in relation to adoption. Two helpful books are "The Essential Link: Attachment Information for Adoptive Parents" and "Adoption Is a Family Affair!: What Relatives and Friends Must Know." A solid base of knowledge about adoption issues will help you communicate with your friend or relative and provide practical tips.
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Attend an adoption training session or parenting workshop with your friend or relative. Attending a training session may give you an opportunity to meet adoptive parents of older children as well as older adopted children, providing you with a chance to not only interact with adoptive families, but also show your support to your friend or relative who is adopting.
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Refrain from sharing negative, uncomfortable stories you have heard about adopting older children. Like any major decision in life---starting college, getting married, getting pregnant---adoption presents potential challenges. However, older child adoption also provides opportunities for parents to create or expand their family.
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Plan a shower for your friend, just as if she were giving birth to a child. Make sure everyone knows the age, size and interests of the new adopted child. In addition to clothes, toys and games, gifts might include offers to babysit, recipes for favorite family meals or a notebook filled with parenting tips.
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Wait to be invited to meet the new adopted child. Part of the adjustment period for any new adoptive family includes time for the child to learn to attach to her new parents. For some children this happens quickly and easily; for other children it may take longer. Understand that introducing a newly adopted child to extended family and friends adds stress to the attachment process. Respect the parents' request to wait before meeting the child.
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References
- Photo Credit family image by Mat Hayward from Fotolia.com
