How to Overcome Jealousy & Insecurity

Jealousy stems from feelings of fear and inadequacy.

Jealousy is all but inevitable in romantic relationships. In small doses it is not destructive and can even be used to heighten your bond with your significant other. But if you constantly feel inadequate and wonder if your partner is about to leave you for someone else, then jealousy becomes a poison that eats away at your relationship and psyche. The key to minimizing jealousy is building self-esteem--the better you feel about yourself, the more secure you will feel in your relationship.

Instructions

1. Evaluate your jealous thoughts. If you have a nagging fear that your partner will leave you, ask yourself: Are your fears realistic? Has your partner given you a reason to be suspicious? You might conclude that, logically, you have no reason to be jealous.

2. Take responsibility for your emotions and deal with them head on. Powerful feelings of hurt, anger and rejection are not without cause. You might be carrying issues from your childhood into the relationship or perhaps a previous partner was unfaithful. If so, you should consider seeing a therapist.

3. Talk to your partner about your insecurities and admit you are jealous. Displaying your needy and vulnerable side is scary but talking through your issues can be reassuring. Let your partner help you manage jealous feelings. Perhaps the two of you can set some reasonable boundaries in regards to flirting and talking to exes.

4. Learn to minimize insecure thoughts before you dwell on them. Jealousy churns up disturbing mental pictures of your partner with another person--of you, lonely and unattractive. Shrink these images or shatter them before they loom large. You can also try exhaling these thoughts as you breathe.

5. Build yourself up with positive self-talk--remember the ways you are attractive, talented and smart. Chances are, you have good things going for you--after all, your partner chose to be with you and not someone else. Think of the ways you click together.

References

• BBC: Overcoming Jealousy
• Pathway to Happiness: Overcoming Jealousy
• The Relationship Gym: Overcoming Jealousy

Resources

• Read this Article in Spanish