How to Deal With Elderly Parents & Loss

Aging parents rely on the support of their adult children.

As our parents age, many of us find ourselves in the awkward position of playing the parental role for them. This is something that can be emotional for parent and child alike. Navigating through this time of life doesn't have to be unduly stressful for the cared-for or the caregiver. In fact, you should do everything possible to cherish this new time in your lives. And when your parents die, it is important to have a strategy to deal with such a major change.

Things You'll Need

• Power of attorney form

Instructions

1. Assess the health of your aging parents. You must know this to ensure that your parents receive the proper care. Go to the doctor with your parents so that you may ask questions and hear pertinent diagnoses firsthand.

2. Observe how mobile your parents are unassisted. If they still drive, take a ride with them to see if their driving performance has weakened with age. Factor in your parents' age and lifestyle with your observations, and discuss the possibility of mobility aides or alternatives such as a cane, walker, wheelchair, carpool, etc.

3. Discuss your concerns about your aging parents with other immediate family members, especially if you believe their lives could be altered by upcoming changes. If you are not an only child, share your thoughts and opinions with a sibling. You don't want to deny someone the opportunity to assist with important decisions about your aging loves ones.

4. Discuss your concerns with your aging parents. Of course, this may depend on your aging parents' mental and physical health. If it is possible, keeping an open line of communication eases any stress or tension during this transitional stage.

5. Manage your aging parents' medical and personal needs when the time comes. Ensure that they take any prescription medications regularly and have regular checkups. You also may have to get power of attorney so you can handle your parents' legal matters when they are unable to do so.

6. Investigate housing options for your parents. Their home should accommodate their needs, not create a greater burden.

7. Research hospice and nursing home options if your parents require advanced care. Discuss these options with your parents and their physician.

8. Organize funeral home arrangements in advance, if possible. Make clear, concrete decisions about every aspect of the funeral service. Stay in close contact with the funeral director.

9. Attend counseling sessions privately or with your family after experiencing the loss of your elderly parents. It also might help to attend counseling sessions before they die.

10. Accept the loss of your aging parents by honoring them. Look at photos, share stories or visit their grave. Do whatever you must to continue with your life.

Tips & Warnings

• If you're emotionally weary and oppose formal counseling, consider communicating with a close friend or loved one regularly.

• A spiritual outlet may give you a sense of peace or closure after your loss.

References

• All about God Ministries: Caring for the Elderly
• All about God Ministries: Caring for Aging Parents
• Hospice: Frequent Asked Questions
• The Final Arrangements Network: Funeral Home Arrangements and Cemetery Instructions Final Arrangements Planning
• United States Department of Health and Human Services: How to Deal with Grief

Resources

• Caring, Inc.: Get Eldercare Help
• Growth House, Inc.: Our Mission