How to Discipline a Strong Willed 11-Year-Old Child
As your son moves from being a child to being a pre-teen, you may find yourself faced with more parenting challenges. Pre-teens, particularly headstrong ones, tend to make it difficult for parents to effectively discipline and keep their child on the right path. If you find yourself tasked with disciplining a headstrong 11-year-old, don't despair. While the task may at times seem hopeless, it can be accomplished with some consideration, consistency and conversation.
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Instructions
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Set clear rules. You can't discipline a child if he doesn't have rules to live by. Before you start trying to enforce the rules, you must set them. Do not assume that your child knows what he should and shouldn't do, but instead set rules so that there is no mistaking what is and is not appropriate.
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Write the rules down. Eliminate any excuses for not knowing the rules by writing them down. Allow your child to help you create a rules poster, and place the poster in a prominent area in your house. When the child breaks one of the rules, refer him back to the poster and remind him of which rule he broke.
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Create reasonable and logical consequences. Your child will be more likely to follow the set rules if he knows what will happen if he doesn't. Create consequences that are relevant to each rule. For example, if your child disrespects an adult, you could make him write an apology letter to that adult as a consequence for this action. Also, don't be overly harsh or create consequences that you will not enforce.
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Recognize the difference between consequences and punishment, and explain this difference to your child. While the terms may seem synonymous, consequences and punishments are two different things. Punishments are penalties that are handed down as a means of punishing someone for a misdoing, while consequences are natural results of a poor choice. Child and family therapist Thomas B. Haller urges parents to select consequences over punishments as consequences more closely approximate what happens when you make a poor choice in the real world, which is, after all, what parents are trying to teach their children.
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Explain the reasons for your actions. “Because I said so” is an all too common response from parents when their children ask why something has to be the way it is. While it is tempting to use this age-old reply, it is not necessarily an effective tactic. Children are more likely to comply with requests when you explain to them why you are making that request. By explaining your actions, you show your child that there is a reason for your request and that it is not, instead, simply a personal preference on your part.
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Be consistent. Consistency is key when disciplining your child. Pre-teens traditionally try to push boundaries. If they see that the boundaries do not give way when they push, they will stop trying, but if the boundaries are not consistently upheld, they will try again and again to breach them.
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Don't let the child make you angry. It is natural to get angry when your child transgresses, but this response is not an effective or productive one. In many cases, children delight in riling their parents or making them angry. If you do become angry with your child, do not allow him to see your anger. If he realizes that he has gotten under your skin, he may try to do it again in the future.
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References
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