How to Teach A Child Healthy Conflict Resolution Through Communication
Newspapers today are filled with stories about violent encounters between children. Consider the story of a 15-year-old female student whose head was pounded into the sidewalk by a male student, assisted by the boyfriend of a younger girl, before being kicked and stomped by steel-toed boots. The trend is disturbing. Parents and guardians should begin teaching children healthy conflict resolution and anger management techniques at an early age. The key to conflict resolution is communication.
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Instructions
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Teach your child, at an early age, how to calm himself down when he gets angry. Have him breathe deeply, count or use other relaxation techniques. If your toddler or pre-schooler becomes upset with a peer, redirect his attention. Have older children remove themselves from a person or situation that makes them angry until the issue can be addressed.
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Ask your child why she is angry. If she cannot verbalize her emotions, ask her questions about different types of feelings, giving her time to think about what you asked in order to explore her own feelings of anger.
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Model calm and healthy behaviors at home, since children copy what they see and hear from the adults around them, especially family members. If you are having trouble controlling your own emotions, take your arguments and confrontations outside or in the bedroom, behind closed doors, so your children will not see or hear what is going on and get a negative view of conflict resolution and anger management.
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Set rules and consequences for using threats of violence or using violence against other children, whether that person is a sibling, friend, or other family member. Let your children know that threats, name calling, cursing, or violent behaviors will not be tolerated. Always let the child know the specific behavior they are being punished for and why.
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Sit down with your child and discuss his inappropriate behavior, asking him to think about they way he handled his anger and how the other child or adult might have felt. Ask him to consider how he would have felt if the anger or retaliation had been directed towards him.
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Ask your child how he might have handled the confrontation in a more positive way. If his answer is unacceptable, help him come up with right solution to better understand why the original behavior was wrong.
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Any time your child retaliates to a perceived slight in a verbally or physically abusive manner, have her verbally apologize to the person she mistreated or hurt.
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Take some time every evening or after school to ask your child how her day went and what took place. Tell her that if anything hurtful or bad happens involving another student--in the hallways, the school yard, the day care center, the neighborhood, or during an extra-curricular activity, she can come and speak freely to you about the issue, without fear of being teased, ignored or scolded.
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Tips & Warnings
Work with teens on learning non-aggressive behaviors and respecting others and their property.
Using direct communication to teach anger management and conflict resolution strengthens you in your role as the child's teacher at home.
The inappropriate use of anger, whether aggressive or non-aggressive, should never be laughed off, bragged about or accepted, no matter what the circumstance. This may lead the child to think such behavior is acceptable.
References
Resources
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