How to Date During a Divorce or Separation
When you're separated, or going through a divorce, it's a fragile, stressful time for you (and if you have children, for them as well). It may also be lonely, especially if you're single after many years of marriage. Although there's nothing wrong with dating, it's wise to take it slow, keep the news of your dating private, and if you're pursuing a divorce, to discuss the situation (as well as the person you're dating) with your attorney.
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Instructions
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Refrain from telling your former spouse. It's a good idea to not share that you're dating, or who you're dating, with your former spouse. Until you're legally divorced, sharing such details has the potential of irritating or even infuriating an ex, which may complicate legal proceedings (for example, if your former spouse claims you're exhibiting inappropriate behavior with your new boyfriend in front of your children, this can negatively affect a child custody agreement). Although a more remote possibility, sharing such information might invite violence if an ex becomes angry and seeks revenge.
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Refrain from telling your children. As you're probably all too aware, going through a separation or impending divorce can be especially hard on children. If your children know you're dating someone, it's easy for them to feel abandoned, alienated, or angry at this new person in your life. Also, children are grieving for what was lost, and may fear a stranger is replacing the other parent (which might also encourage them to align themselves with that other parent).
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Take care of yourself. As much as you may want the separation or divorce, it's still a difficult, emotional process. Be aware that you're going through a vulnerable time that has additional built-in stressors. Take care of your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Don't make big decisions, such as moving in with someone you're dating (which may also affect child custody payments if you're perceived as having "more" money because you're sharing living expenses).
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Discuss the situation with your attorney. If you're pursuing a divorce, and if you're planning to or are currently dating someone, it's a good idea to discuss this situation with your attorney (especially if your state grants divorces on the grounds of fault). The circumstances of your dating, as well as the background of the person you're dating, could become part of your divorce legal proceedings.
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References
Resources
- Photo Credit romance image by Mat Hayward from Fotolia.com
