How to Give Advice to an Engaged Couple as Parents

A serious talk before marriage can give the couple time to examine their readiness for this stage in life.

As parents, you want your child to know the significance of the decision to get married, and the responsibilities that go along with this commitment. It would be wise to have a serious conversation with the engaged couple to help them understand what marriage is and to examine whether the couple is prepared to get married and start a family.

Instructions

1. Bring up your concerns. For example, if you've noticed that the couple is not active in saving money for the future and that they spend money frivolously, then discuss why this could cause tension in their future marriage. Talk about how they're going to need emergency funds if the children get sick or if one of them loses a job, and that they should spend less than they earn.

2. Use your own marriage as examples. Talk about the ways you and your spouse learned to settle minor conflicts without putting each other down, or the times when you had to sacrifice immediate pleasures to achieve important goals for the marriage. You can mention the time when you had to sell a house and rent instead because you wanted to start a business.

3. Point out what the couple is doing right. Mention that you're happy that they chose to get established in their careers before getting engaged, or the fact that they decided to read books on having a good marriage and attending premarital counseling as a form of preparation. Also discuss any improvement of each partner's household skills or changes in their attitudes.

4. Allow the couple to ask questions. Your child's fiance may want advice on how to properly discipline children or how to keep the romance alive in the marriage. Answer questions as clearly and honestly as you can.

5. Give encouragement. Tell the couple that you're proud of their commitment to each other and that you're there for them when they need assistance. Also let them meet other married couples in the family to receive support and guidance.

References

• Focus on the Family: Avoid Quick Engagements