How to Help Your Tween Deal With Mean Girls

Dealing with mean girls can take its toll on your tween.

While portrayals of mean girls in television shows and movies may garner big laughs, being on the receiving end of this poor treatment in real life isn't so funny. Helping your tween deal with this type of bullying can be difficult, as you may be at a loss of words when faced with these upsetting circumstances. Give you tween the support she needs without making her feel helpless. Doing so can help her develop the self-esteem needed to tune out the trivial chatter of the mean girls in her life.

Instructions

1. Approach the subject with both compassion and a level head. Understand that your tween may be hesitant to talk about her problems with the mean girls in her life. Give advice and listen without working yourself into a frenzy or merely shrugging off her concerns. Realize that doing so could create resentment, which makes it less likely that she'll come to you for social advice.

2. Shine a light on her positive qualities. Ensure that your tween knows that she is a special person regardless of what immature peers say. Relay that you and anyone who's really looking can see her strengths and potential. Give specific examples of her skills and attributes to provide her with something to cling to whenever she needs a boost of confidence.

3. Share your personal experiences to create a constructive atmosphere. While it may be embarrassing to recount the details of your "tortured" past, doing so can make your tween more receptive to your advice and more willing to discuss her struggles. Provide vivid details about teasing or bullying incidents, along with how you managed to survive the immaturity. Explain that while uncomfortable social situations may seem unbearable, they don't define who you are as a person or your ability to thrive.

4. Provide unwavering support to your tween. Let your tween know that you're both steady and ready to help with problems. Resist merely "getting back to her" when approaches you with issues or waiting until a "better time" before addressing your own observations. Setting aside private time with your time on a regular basis can set the stage for candid interactions. Avoid letting your busy work or personal schedule stop you from throwing your child a lifeline.

Tips & Warnings

• Explain that seeking support from authority figures during or after episodes with a bully isn't a negative action. Relay that everyone needs help sometimes and that taking advantage of appropriate support shows both strength and maturity.

References

• Kids Health: Helping Kids Deal With Bullies
• Mayo Clinic: Bullying-Help Your Child Handle a School Bully

Resources

• Stop Bullying Now: What Family Members Can Do