How to Deal With an Excessively Talkative Friend

There are ways to handle excessively talkative friends with respect.

If you have an excessively talkative friend, he might have a lot to talk about or like being the center of attention. Also, he may simply have an extroverted and bubbly personality. A talkative friend can be frustrating at times, when you're not able to give your viewpoints or ask questions because he is dominating the conversation. You can deal with this behavior by using a combination of assertiveness and respect.

Instructions

1. Make up an excuse to end the conversation. If you've been on the phone with your friend or just talking in person for a long time, tell her you have somewhere to be in a few minutes and you'll continue the chat at another time. This helps to spare your friend's feelings, and reminds her that you have other obligations.

2. Tell your friend before a visit that you can only stay for certain amount of time. This lets him know you can't stay all day but are willing to carve out time for him. If your friend goes past the time limit, politely remind him you have to leave but you enjoyed the visit and will chat with him again soon.

3. Discuss the issue with your friend if it gets out of hand. Start by saying how much you appreciate what she brings to your conversations, then explain how you feel about not being able to participate fully in them. You could say that you feel like you don't always get to talk about important things that are going on in your life or explain your opinions as fully as you'd like. Don't be defensive if she takes offense, and don't express yourself angrily, but provide some examples of her behavior to illustrate your point.

4. Get interested in what your friend is discussing. You may not be all that excited when he goes on about something like the latest computer laptops, but take it as an opportunity to ask him, for example, whether he prefers a Mac to a PC and what different operations each one is good for. When you ask questions, you can engage your friend in a more give-and-take way, and his depth of knowledge may even be useful to you.

5. Add something new to the conversation. If your friend talks a lot about the social issues facing African-Americans in the 21st century, for example, you can add to the discussion by bringing up something like the difficulties children of Latino immigrants face regarding assimilating into mainstream American culture while retaining their cultural heritage. By chiming in with information you know, you can create new areas of discussion where you and your friend are on more equal footing.

References

• Kiplinger Magazine: Do You Talk Too Much?