How to Improve Communication With Your Husband

Learn how to improve communication with your husband for a stronger relationship.

"Communication is the key to a strong, healthy relationship." This sentiment is the cornerstone to the article "Can We Talk? Improving Couples' Communication," that is part of the Florida Marriage Preparation series. Develop listening habits early in a relationship to ensure a better chance of success, but you can improve your communication with your husband at any stage of your marriage. Even with effective skills, changes in your life may make you have to reevaluate your methods, such as during a crisis like a serious illness, or when retirement time comes.

Instructions

How to Improve Communication with Your Husband in General

1. 

   Stop talking long enough to learn how to listen.

   Learn how to listen. According to the Florida Marriage Preparation series, "Listening is the single most important communication skill as it is the best way to understand your partner." Keep your eyes on his face at all times to let him know that you want to hear what he has to say, and watch his body language and expressions as much as his words.

2. 

   Express yourself clearly using "I" statements.

   Learn how to express yourself clearly and effectively. Share your feelings and emotions, using "I" at the beginning of statements to help prevent him from becoming defensive, which often happens if you start out a sentence with "you." That places blame and is not effective for conflict resolution.

3. 

   You may have two different types of communication styles.

   Take into consideration that there are different kinds of communication personalities. For example, you may be the type to express what you feel immediately, while he may be the kind of guy who needs to mull things over for a while before he is ready talk.

How to Improve Communication with Your Husband During Times of Crisis

1. 

   Talking is important during times of stress in a marriage, such as with a serious illness.

   Talk as much as possible about the situation, no matter what the crisis is. In times of illness "Married couples ... must deal not only with the technical procedures for the treatment ... but also with the emotional aspects of living with a chronic disease in a marital relationship," according to the article "Communication in Marriage" on the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's website written for couples that are dealing with in-home dialysis.

2. 

   The stress of a serious illness can take its toll on a husband and his wife.

   Accept the fact that a crisis will affect your life. It may mean finding a different way of talking to each other and expressing your feelings without blaming or taking the blame for all of the stress. The article goes on to give many examples of wives, all with one common thread "She recognizes that his illness has imposed some limitations on them, despite their concerted effort not to let it."

3. 

   A couple may need emotional help along with medical services during a serious illness.

   Be prepared for changes in your spouse's communication style. This is where it is so important to ask about counseling along with the medical services that are there to help you through a serious illness.

How to Improve Communication with Your Husband After Retirement

1. 

   Difference in retirement expectations can cause a communication conflict in marriage.

   Talk openly about all of your expectations for retirement "from a personal perspective (personal goals, interests, dreams), but also from a couple perspective (joint activities, mutual goals, issues of sexual and emotional intimacy)," according to Christine A. Price, a state Gerontology Specialist at the Ohio State University Extension. Differences in these expectations can cause a breakdown in communication.

2. 

   Maintain individual outings with friends.

   Discuss the amount of time that you need to be alone, as well as the desired extra time that you want to spend together. Maintain your separate activities and interests as individuals to prevent too much togetherness or resentment.

3. 

   Any change in marriage, even happy ones, can mean having to work at communicating.

   Realize that, in most cases, all your expectations about retirement and togetherness will not happen automatically because you are able to spend more time with each other. Continue to look for ways to improve communication with your husband to keep your marriage healthy and strong.

Tips & Warnings

• If marriage counseling is not right for you, there are free online courses, as well as couple classes that you can take that do not require you having to discuss your personal issues with a stranger.

References

• University of Florida Marriage Preparation: Can We Talk? Improving Couples' Communication
• Massachusetts Institute of Technology: Communication in Marriage
• Ohio State University Extension: Marriage After Retirement

Resources

• Utah State University: Free Online Course: Communication, Conflict & Commitment
• HMI: New York Times Article: Till Death-or Marital Counseling-Do You Part