How to Resolve Marital Conflict
Like all interpersonal relationships, marriage has its share of ups and downs. Conflict is inevitable when two people coexist. However, unresolved or poorly handled marital conflict can greatly affect the intimacy between partners. Even small issues can later become catastrophic if not managed properly. Angry words tossed at a partner sting well beyond the moment. Many techniques to successfully resolve conflict in a marriage take time and patience to learn, but are instrumental in building a dynamic marriage.
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Instructions
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Begin all conflict resolution tactics with a few quiet moments of thought. Rather than responding bitterly to an unkind statement, take a breather. Some conflict can be resolved very quickly by analyzing the situation. If your partner is under unusual stress, or is ill or tired, it's possible she didn't mean her words to be hurtful. Snapping back, especially in the heat of the moment, will only add fuel to the fire.
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Phrase words to express your emotions. A simple, "I'm sad because your comment felt harsh," is effective and truthful. Use feeling words, such as sad, disappointed or angry. Avoid blaming.
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Listen to your spouse's side. There is always another viewpoint. No matter how close two marital partners may be, there are still areas where you'll have opposing outlooks. You don't have to embrace every different opinion, but you should be respectful and hear her thoughts. Be tender with your partner, even if you disagree.
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Be honest. Resolving conflict between two partners who love and trust the other implicitly is far easier. Mutual trust and honesty allow both partners to share who they are without fear of ridicule or abandonment.
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Learn to compromise. For some couples, this might mean dividing chores equally or agreeing to table a discussion before tempers fly. It may require splitting holidays between families and spending equal time with the in-laws or encouraging your spouse to take time to be with his friends. Don't compromise grudgingly once you agree on a solution. Be content with your agreement.
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Practice forgiveness. Of all the parts to marital conflict resolution, this is the most important. Those who love us have the power to hurt us, simply because they have worth and value in our lives. Forgiveness is a non-negotiable quality in healing the pain of conflict and moving toward greater intimacy. If you have injured the other party's feelings, don't offer apologies telepathically. Say the words, "I'm sorry." Your spouse needs to hear, as well as feel, your apology.
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Tips & Warnings
Once conflict is discussed and resolved, practice positive relationship building skills. Go on a date or take a walk together. Spend time reestablishing intimacy.
If you cannot achieve a fair compromise or have escalating conflict, seek a trained therapist, clergyman or rabbi to assist in working through marital strife.
Don't bombard your partner. Deal with one issue at a time.
References
Resources
- Photo Credit Happy young married couple on the nature. image by Stanislav Komogorov from Fotolia.com
