How to Avoid Being a Doormat

If you're not getting what you want out of relationships it may be because you're allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat.

If you consistently find yourself in relationships in which your partner is walking all over you, it may be time to examine your own behavior. Jealousy, resentment, and regret are signs that you might be allowing somebody to take advantage of you. The other person may not even realize he's doing it. Evaluate your situation and develop the skills to learn how to avoid being a doormat.

Things You'll Need

• Self-awareness
• Good communication skills
• Confidence

Instructions

Avoid Being a Doormat

1. Examine your feelings. If the same negative emotions--like hurt feelings, resentment and jealousy--keep popping up in your relationships, regardless of your partner, it's time to take a look at yourself. It may be true that she is treating you like a doormat but it may be equally true that you are enabling her bad behavior. As the old saying goes, "It takes two to tango." What are you doing, or not doing, to contribute to the problem?

2. Get clear with your communication. He can't know you're unhappy unless you tell him. Passive-aggressive behavior is gasoline on the fire of a bad relationship. If you tell him it's OK for him to go out with the boys after work and then give him the cold shoulder when he gets home, you're giving him mixed signals. If you find yourself feeling resentful because he couldn't read your mind, then it's time to work on your communication style.

3. Gain self-confidence. If you have repeatedly told your partner that a certain behavior bothers you and she continues to participate in it you may be in a relationship with a self-involved jerk. If you have a pattern of ending up with jerks it's time to look in the mirror. Do you feel unworthy of someone who doesn't treat you like a doormat? If so, you may need professional help. Seek out a good therapist or support group.

4. Break the pattern. If you've been clear with your communication and worked on your confidence and he still treats you like dirt, it may be time to move on. In healthy relationships couples work through their problems and grow together. If he expects you will keep putting up with poor treatment he has no incentive to change. Don't put up with it. If you've done your work he needs to do his. If he won't, or if he doesn't think there's a problem, break it off.

5. Watch for red flags. You've been a doormat long enough. You already know what your patterns are for ending up in unhealthy relationships so don't repeat them. If you meet someone new and she starts exhibiting behaviors that you already know you can't live with (but you find yourself excusing because she's "cute," "fun," "successful" or whatever), step back. If you can stop a bad relationship before it begins, you are definitely on the road to recovery. That newfound honest communication and confidence will serve you well in attracting an appropriate partner and a new, healthy relationship is, more than likely, just around the corner!

References

• eRomance
• Experience Project