How to Potty Train Difficult Older Children

The average age that toddlers in the United States complete potty training is older today than ever in the past. In 1950, according to Potty Training Concepts, most toddlers were potty trained by 18 months old, but today the average age of completion is anywhere from 30 months old to 5 years old. As a result, many parents experience the difficulty of persuading an older toddler to change the habit of using a diaper. According to Barton D. Schmidt, M.D. and author, a toddler is considered delayed in toilet training if he is older than 3 years old and is not trained after three months of attempted training.

Things You'll Need

• Child-size potty or toilet seat insert
• Towels
• Pet stain carpet cleaner
• Treats or small toys or stickers (optional)
• Underwear

Instructions

1. Ask your pediatrician to evaluate your child for physical causes of incontinence. These could include a urinary tract infection, constipation or (rarely) neurological problems.

2. Make child-size potty seats accessible and convenient. Have the child pick out potties himself, and put one in every bathroom and in the playroom, so he always has one easily available. This will help decrease reluctance to interrupt playing in order to go to the potty.

3. Give your child control over her own bodily functions. Resistance to toilet training is sometimes caused by too-frequent reminders or too much control by the parent. Let your child know that she is old enough to pay attention to her body, and she does not need you to remind her. Give her ownership of when she goes.

4. Say goodbye to diapers. Let your child pick out underwear, and use it exclusively. The only exception is if he begins to hold back stool; if he asks for a diaper in order to poop, it's better to let him poop in a diaper than to let him hold the stool back.

5. Plan for a mess. If your child wets himself, let him change his own clothes. If he soils himself, help him clean up. Remind him that it is his responsibility to pay attention to his body and to keep himself clean and dry. Use towels to clean up accidents from hard floors and nontoxic pet stain remover to clean carpet. Be gentle, and do not criticize or punish your child for accidents. Discourage siblings or friends from making fun of him.

6. Reward your child for using the toilet. Set up an incentive plan that is motivating for her; let her pick out special prizes, toys or activities that she wants as a reward for using the toilet. Praise her when she successfully uses the toilet.

7. Use creative solutions for stool withholding, which can be physically damaging. Talk to your child about why he is resistant to pooping in the toilet. Is it because he is used to squatting instead of sitting? Try letting him use a long, narrow plastic container that is narrow enough for him to squat over instead of a potty. Is it because he's used to the feeling of pooping in diapers? Let him practice by pooping in a diaper while sitting on the potty. After he's comfortable with that, let him sit on an unfastened diaper on the potty. Eventually he will be comfortable with getting rid of the diaper and going directly in the potty.

Tips & Warnings

• Talk to your pediatrician if your child is still resisting toileting after three months of consistent training.

References

• Potty Training Concepts: History of Potty Training
• Keep Kids Healthy: Potty Training Resistance
• "Contemporary Pediatrics"; Toilet Training Resistance; Barton D. Schmidt, M.D.; April 2004