How to Explain Punishment to a Child

"What did I do?"

Children are not born already knowing the difference between right and wrong. As the child's parents, you must teach her what is acceptable behavior and what is not. This is done through talking to your child and explaining any punishments if the child does something wrong. Simply spanking a child or yelling at her will not get the child to understand what she should have done instead.

Instructions

1. Explain your punishment to a child under the age of 2 in simple terms. If your 2-year-old was biting her older brother, you would take her to the timeout chair. There you would tell her that you love her, but that biting hurts. Biting is a no-no. Tell her she will have to sit in timeout for two minutes any time she bites. Young children should not be expected to sit any longer than that.

2. Talk to a preschool-age child with facts. You will be able to tell a preschool-age child what type of behavior you expect. If the child disobeys, you can take him aside and ask him to repeat the rule. Ask him if he broke the rule by what he did. Then let him know that all rules have consequences. Tell him you love him, but he must take his punishment. If he threw his matchbox cars across the room, have him pick them up. Then put the cars away until the next day.

3. Reason with kindergarten through third-graders. This group of children should also be aware of the rules of the house. If your child breaks one of the rules, take her to a separate room to talk about it. Don't embarrass her in front of the rest of the family. Ask her to explain why she disobeyed the rules. Let your child know that you understand there are times when she may become frustrated or upset. Then remind her that she must still be in control of her actions or she will have to submit to a punishment. If she called her sister a name, have her apologize in person, and then do something nice for her sister. You can also still use the timeout chair at this age.

4. Use examples when you explain discipline to a tween. Tweens are capable of understanding a lot of what you say, but sometimes they need to look at their situation with a fresh pair of eyes. If your tween calls a fellow student "ugly" or "fat," use an example to show them how much that must have hurt the student. Maybe there was a time your child was called a name. You could even tell your child about the time someone called you a name, and how it made you so sad you cried. Then have your child apologize to the student and admit what she did was wrong. The timeout chair is no longer effective at this age.

5. Be direct with your teens. Teens are capable of listening and processing everything you say. At this age they are well aware of the rules and the potential consequences. You can be direct and let your teen-ager know that you are disciplining him so that he will be a respectful, productive member of society. Let him know that you are getting him ready to eventually leave the nest. It is also important that you continue to remind him how much you love him. Don't assume that he already knows this. He needs to hear it, especially when receiving and going through a punishment.

Tips & Warnings

• Make sure you take time to praise your child when she does something right.

• The punishment you administer should fit the "crime." Taking away television privileges for drawing on the walls with crayon doesn't fit. Having the child wash the walls and lose his crayons for a day is more appropriate.

• Never beat a child to show him that he did something wrong.

References

• Kids Health: Disciplining Your Child
• Family Education: How to Punish Without Punishing Yourself