How to Use a Mi-Ai or Japanese Matchmaker

The mi-ai interview is an ancient Japanese tradition in which a go-between (or matchmaker) brings together a prospective bride and groom to learn if there is potential for marriage. Many couples in Japan still rely on this custom today.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Wedding Invitations
• Kimonos
• Fans
• Theater Tickets

1. Find a go-between in your area who has had good luck with other couples.
2. Share with the go-between the family class, education and background you hope to find in a mate.
3. Consider the choices the matchmaker recommends.
4. Arrange for a meeting, or Mi-Ai interview, with a potential suitor at a theater, restaurant or hotel. Expect both of your families to attend.
5. Remember that this arrangement is only an opportunity to see if you are interested in each other. It is not binding.
6. Follow the old tradition where the man leaves behind a fan as a signal he is interested.
7. Take the time to get to know the other person and see if it feels like a good match. Allow several months to let the relationship between you progress.
8. Seek your family's advice about this partnership.
9. Plan a Yui-no ceremony to exchange gifts with each other's families to cement your engagement if you do decide to marry. This tradition is to ensure that you both follow through on the commitment.
10. Invite the go-between to your wedding.
11. Recognize the go-between with a special toast for bringing you together with your spouse.

Tips & Warnings

• In the past, the decision was all up the man, but today modern women can help decide if the relationship should progress.
• It is acceptable for the parents to arrange the Mi-Ai interview, instead of using an outside go-between.
• Remember that under Japanese tradition, when you marry a man, you leave your family to become a part of his.