How to Handle Neighbor Conflict

Conflict between neighbors tends to increase during economic downturns, according to Washington Post staff writer Dina ElBoghdady. ElBoghdady reports that as homeowners become more worried about their falling property values and their finances, they are less tolerant of their neighbors. It is extremely important, especially in times of high stress, to use tact in your approach to conflict with your neighbor. You have several approaches to choose from, but whichever method you use, avoid blame and focus on what you really hope to accomplish.

Things You'll Need

• Neighbor
• Internet access
• Other neighbors (optional)
• Mediator (optional)
• Small claims court (optional)
• Regular court (optional)

Instructions

1. Sleep on the concern or problem before you approach your neighbor. You may decide it is not worth pursuing, especially if the problem is not ongoing.

2. Meet face-to-face as long as the situation is safe, recommends Consumer Reports.

3. Choose a time that is convenient to meet with your neighbor, and maintain an open mind. Figure out in advance exactly what it bothering you, what you want to the outcome to be, and how to motivate your neighbor to work toward this goal.

4. Expect your neighbor to be defensive, and respond with sympathy. Remain calm.

5. Explain the problem in writing if the face-to-face meeting does not work. If possible, back up your argument with state or local laws to support your case. To find more information about relevant laws, go to findlaw.com.

6. Get other neighbors to sign the letter if you can. Your neighbor may be willing to work with you if he sees other signatures.

7. Hire a mediator if need be. You can bring in a mediator at any stage of the conflict. Many mediators are volunteers. Go to the website of the National Association for Community Mediation, nafcm.org, to find a mediation center in your community. Or hire a private mediator through mediate.com, although this will cost you more.

8. Go to small claims court but recognize that this is costly, and small claims court judges can usually award only money, cannot force your neighbor to pay you, and will not be able to stop your neighbor's behavior.

9. Bring your case to regular court as a last resort. Understand that this is expensive and you may not like the outcome.

Tips & Warnings

• When you speak with your neighbor, use "I messages," such as "I feel ..." or "My intention is ..." rather than using blame words such as "Why do you ... ."

• Do not gossip about the neighbor with whom you are in conflict. If she finds out that you have been talking poorly about her behind her back, she may be less willing to cooperate with you.

References

• Washington Post: The Problem Next Door
• Consumer Reports: How to Resolve a Conflict