How to Make a Plan to Leave a Violent Domestic Partner

Separating yourself from a violent domestic partner is crucial for your own welfare. However, leaving a violent domestic partner involves far more than walking out the door with the goal of never returning. You must develop a comprehensive plan that will enable you to carry on with your life independent of your abuser. There are a variety of considerations that you must keep in mind when preparing to end a relationship with a violent domestic partner.

Instructions

1. Cultivate a network of family members or friends to provide emotional support and advice. Like many individuals in violent relationships, your abuser has probably limited your access to family and friends. You must reach out to those individuals you trust--even if merely a clandestine e-mail or letter--explaining your desire to exit your relationship.

2. Set aside money in a personal account. Financial concerns are a prime reason why many people stay in an abusive relationship. They fear for their financial futures and worry about caring for themselves and their children. If an abusive partner thoroughly controls the finances, contact family members, friends, and agencies dedicated to assisting individuals in extracting themselves from abusive relationships. Identify what options are available to assist with financial support on a temporary basis.

3. Connect with an agency in your community that supports victims of domestic violence. The National Domestic Violence Hotline assists in identifying community services and in directing individuals to other resources. The hotline is available 24 hours a day at 800-799-SAFE (7233).

4. Arrange for a specific location to go to immediately upon leaving your current residence. If you have no other alternative, the National Domestic Violence Hotline can provide you with shelters and transitional housing alternatives. Do not wait until you are out the door to start looking for a place to stay. You run the risk of having to head back to your abuser's residence if you don't have any other immediate alternative.

5. Schedule an appointment with a counselor or therapist. Because of the complicated emotions surrounding domestic violence, you must ensure that you understand the issues at hand. Engage a professional counselor or therapist to help accomplish this task and end the abusive relationship.

Tips & Warnings

• Consider retaining the services of an attorney well-versed in dealing with all the issues arising out of a violent domestic relationship. They can assist you in making the necessary legal arrangements to protect your financial and personal interests. Although the state and local bar association cannot make specific recommendations, they maintain directories of attorneys in different practice areas. Contact information for these organizations is available through the American Bar Association.

• The plan of action outlined in this article is the ideal suggestion. Because of the nature of an abusive relationship, your partner may have restricted your activities to such a degree that accomplishing some of these objectives may be impossible. If your situation truly is dire and your welfare and safety are clearly in jeopardy, you must get to a safe place as soon as possible.

References

• "The Domestic Violence Sourcebook"; Dawn Bradley Berry; 2000
• "Surviving Domestic Violence: Voices of Women Who Broke Free"; Elaine Weiss; 2004
• Domestic Violence Survival Kit

Resources

• National Domestic Violence Hotline
• American Bar Association: Directory of State and Local Bar Associations