How to Be a Caregiver for a Spouse
Under the best of circumstances, acting as a caregiver for a spouse can be stressful. However, with the right set of information and realistic expectations, caregiving can be a rewarding experience. Generally, being a caregiver for a spouse is not something you plan on; it just happens, either through an accident, an injury or a health challenge. According to "The Caregiver HelpBook: Powerful Tools for Caregivers," "When one partner is significantly healthier than the other, the couple may face unique challenges."
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Instructions
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Develop Realistic Expectations
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Realize that there is going to be a new normal. If your spouse develops early onset dementia, there are different dynamics. You have to accept that your spouse may become very childlike.
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You will grieve the loss of your old spouse. The man or woman the person was before becoming ill no longer exists. At first, you will feel angry but you will need to accept the "new" spouse.
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Accept the limitations that your spouse now has. Identify the skills or activities that your spouse can still perform.
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Be patient with yourself and your own shortcomings. If you become impatient with your spouse, don't berate yourself. Just be gentler and have more compassion the next time.
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Accept that if the disease is chronic and progressive, things may plateau but the condition will not get better.
Set Boundaries
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Due to the illness, your spouse may be more demanding and unreasonable. You have to set firm limits. Let your "yes" mean "yes," and your "no" mean "no." Don't argue with a person who has dementia.
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Set up a consistent schedule for meals and bedtime, as your spouse may become upset when you change a routine.
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Manage your own self-care so that you do not develop burnout or an illness yourself. Several times a week, get away to refresh and restore your own spirit. Get regular checkups and exercise. Seek therapeutic counseling or a support group.
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Know your limitations and don't push beyond those. When you need a break, reach out for help. Check out care options through Med-i-cal, In Home Supportive Services or the Veterans Administration, if your spouse is a veteran. Seek caregiver assistance for bathing, walking or watching your spouse and transportation services to help with medical appointments.
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Don't try to "do it all." Instead of preparing large holiday dinners where you do all the cooking, do a potluck. Seek help with programs such as Meals on Wheels or buy already prepared meals. Have a specific plan for meals, housework and yard work. Get a gardener, a housekeeper or a helper. Check with Social Services for funding.
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Tips & Warnings
Make use of adult day care centers, if feasible.
