How to Say No Nicely

The thought of saying no to family and friends may make you feel guilty or selfish, but not learning how to turn down requests could actually be detrimental to your physical well-being, according to the Mayo Clinic. Constantly agreeing to obligations that you don’t want to do can cause stress, especially if you don’t have the time, energy or finances to fulfill them. Learning how to say no nicely can lower your stress levels while keeping your personal relationships intact.

Instructions

1. Answer the person’s request with total honesty and make it clear that you are saying actually saying no. Saying that you are unsure or that you’ll get back to the person may make you feel better, but it prolongs the situation and prevents the person from finding someone else who can help him.

2. Turn down the person you’re saying no to in a general way so she doesn’t take it personally. For example, if she asks to borrow money or something valuable of yours, tell her that you have a rule not to loan those things to anyone because you’re afraid of ruining the relationship if something goes wrong. This makes the person know you are not singling her out while also giving it a positive spin by showing you care about the relationship.

3. Use a pleasant tone of voice and verbalize your other regular or recurring priorities to let the person know why you cannot commit to something. This will help ensure that he does not continue to ask you, and you will not seem selfish or flippant.

4. Offer solutions or ideas for other people the person can ask to perform the task. Not only is it helpful, it can also point out others who could be contributing, such as coworkers or fellow members of an organization. Don’t allow the requester to manipulate or put unnecessary pressure on you--most likely, an event will not fall apart simply because you cannot help, so don’t let a person make you feel like that.

Tips & Warnings

• If your boss or the head of an organization you belong to keeps making unreasonable requests, ask politely to schedule a meeting so the two of you can determine what your job duties are--this may help him realize he’s asking you to do things outside of your responsibility.

• Never say yes to an invitation because you’re afraid to say no if you know that you’re going to cancel at the last second. That is much less considerate than saying no upfront.

References

• Mayo Clinic: Stress Relief--Learn How to Say No
• CNN: Ten Guilt-Free Ways to Say No