How to Analyze Conflict in Discourse
Conflict in discourse should always be viewed as opportunity for trust building and strengthening relationships and as a healthy (and ultimately productive) part of dialog between people. Analyzing and understanding the common causes of conflict can help one succeed in overcoming the destructive effects of unresolved conflict.
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Instructions
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Listen attentively to what is being said. Often conflict arises because a speaker feels she is not being heard. Make eye contact and use body language to communicate to that you are fully engaged and thoughtfully pondering what the speaker is saying. Do not try to "multitask" during a conversation. Put yourself in the other person's position. Ask yourself, "Am I giving 100 percent of my attention to what is being said?"
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Check for understanding. From time to time, make sure you are clearly comprehending what the other person is saying. Clarify and confirm meaning by saying, "So what I hear you saying is--" and follow up with, "Is that correct?" Give the speaker a chance to clarify and correct any points that were miscommunicated, or were misunderstood by you.
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Admit any mistakes and acknowledge all truths that the other person points out--no matter how embarrassing. When confronted with a mistake, own up to it. Admit it, apologize and ask to move on. Often conflict in discourse results from somebody not being trustworthy or faithful to keeping his word. By acknowledging and admitting mistakes, you maintain your integrity and encourage loyalty.
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Compliment the person's perspective, abilities or ingenuity before you correct or rebut their position, or offer a different perspective. Make a habit of saying things like, "Your perspective on this is key," or "I hadn't thought of it like that before," or "You make a great point there." Acknowledging the validity of her perspectives first, before seeking to change or influence them. This will help to diffuse the current conflict and create an atmosphere of respect and trust in future conflicts.
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Know when to stop talking. Even after all these steps, one can still end up in a conflict. When things are deadlocked, ask for a timeout. Say something like, "I need some time to consider everything said here today. I'm still not fully convinced by your arguments but I am also recognizing some "blind spots" in my own thinking. I am willing to table this discussion and meet again before I act on anything. Let's meet again on--and see what progress each has made toward a unified position on this issue. How does that sound to you?"
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Honor privacy. Avoid talking to others about the conflict and the particulars of what was said. Remember that at times we all have spoken out of turn, out of context and with more emotion than we would want to be held accountable for in the memories of others, especially third parties. Extend the same understanding to those involved in the conflict.
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Tips & Warnings
Remember to approach the conflict as an opportunity to learn the values and insights of another person. Always strive to understand first before you attempt to change someone's thinking or move a situation in a different direction.
