How to Forgive Someone You Care About

A Shining Ray of Hope

As George Strait sings, "Been learning that forgiveness is as much for myself As it is for the other guy..." Very true indeed. Forgiving can be a real blessing not only for the forgivee, but also for the forgiver. Forgiving mends relationships, heals hearts, and is a gift to all involved. Read on to learn how to forgive others for their transgressions.

Things You'll Need

• a willingness to forgive
• trust
• love for the person who wronged you
• love for yourself
• possibly: patience
• possibly: time

Instructions

1. 

   Decide whether or not you want to forgive the person. Take into account the thing the person did wrong and your relationship with the person. In order to forgive someone, you must want to forgive. If you feel that you want to, you can move on to the following steps. Even if you feel that you cannot forgive the person, but you feel that you want to, you will be able to with time.

2. 

   It may be hard, but speak with the person who wronged you. Does he know that he did something to hurt you? Did you find out that she did something wrong and now you need to tell her that you know?
   Allow the person to apologize and explain. Do not accept excuses, but allow for explanation of context, etc.

3. 

   When possible, which is often but not always, accept the apology. This does not mean that you have forgiven the person, but it DOES mean that you accept that he did something wrong and he feels terribly about it and wants to make things right.

4. 

   Give the relationship a chance. Let the other person prove that he is a mensch and that he is trustworthy.
   Give him the opportunity, over time, to earn back your trust and friendship.
   Accept things she does to try to repair the relationship. Accept the gift of Mets tickets or a donation to your favorite charity.
   While you may not want to see the person for a while, keep the lines of communication open.

Tips & Warnings

• Sometimes you may be able to forgive someone immediately, but other times, or with other people, you may need time. Give yourself that time.

• Do what feels right to you. Sometimes you may want to speak with or see the other person right away; sometimes you may need some time away from the person who wronged you. Listen to your instincts and follow them.

• Do not rush the process. Forgiveness, like many hard things in life, is a process. Give yourself time when you need it.