How to Decide Whether to Leave a Marriage or Romantic Relationship

Ending a marriage or romantic relationship can be a scary step into the unknown, so it's a good idea to be cautious about such a big change. We all start out with high hopes for love and happiness as a couple. But after the initial attraction fades and feelings get crushed, it's natural to wonder if there exists a better chance for happiness with someone else. Should I stay or should I go? Think about the following questions when deciding whether or not to leave your lover.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Realism
• Introspection
• Serious thought
• Determination
• Hope

1. Have you tried to make things work?
   
   Every long-term relationship has its bumps and difficulties. Don't rush to judgment in an angry moment, but allow time for things to work out before calling it quits. If you're the only one trying to make the relationship work, consider it a red flag. Be convinced that things will never change for the better before giving up and moving on.

2. Have you weighed the pros and cons?
   
   Divide a piece of paper into two columns: pros, and cons. List the benefits you get from remaining in the relationship on one side, and all the things that are making you unhappy on the other. Is your list heavily lopsided? Or are there only a few sticking points which may possibly be resolved?

3. Are you being realistic?
   
   In a practical sense, what kind of economic impact will ending the relationship have on both of you, and can you live with that? How will it impact the kids you may have together? And what are your chances of meeting and finding happiness with somebody else?

4. Are you paying a price for staying?
   
   If the relationship is abusive, manipulative, or severely unequal, or if you feel like you have to hide your real self in order to satisfy the other person, then you might be better off ending it. A good relationship is a genuine partnership, where both people share responsibilities and are free to explore their own interests as friends. If you feel unsupported, like you're stuck in an endless tunnel with no light at the end, it may be time to get out.

5. Have you thought about your own role in the relationship?
   
   The problems that lead to the end of a marriage or romantic relationship are seldom just one person's fault. It's important to be introspective so you don't carry the same "baggage" into your next romance. Think hard about your own role in getting things to where they are now. Do you yourself need to work on certain habits or behaviors, in order to make this relationship - or the next one - a success?

6. Does your partner have a big issue that he or she is not facing?
   
   Certain major personal problems can do serious harm to the health of any relationship. These include legal, money, or family troubles, difficulty keeping a job, substance abuse, or mental health issues. A partner with huge insolvable problems can make a toxic partner. Your best option may be getting out of range. Until they face their own issues and make an attempt to change, you may have zero chance for happiness.

7. Are you leading separate lives already?
   
   The benefits of being in a loving relationship ought to include sharing tasks and recreational activities together. Your lover should be your friend and companion, someone you can come home to at the end of the day, and who will stroke you and listen to you. If you feel that you aren't even friends, that you don't do anything together, don't talk together, and are leading separate lives, why stay?

Tips & Warnings

• Considering each of questions above will bring you closer to finding a solution to your relationship dilemma. Whether you decide to end your relationship or stick around to try and make it work, remember, you deserve to be loved.

Resources

• 7 Relationship Problems and How to Solve Them
• A lot of love in the lovemaking
• Top 6 Signs of Impending Divorce

[TerriR]

on 1/2/2010 Good article.