Tony Jurich, professor of marriage and family at Kansas State University, relates how stressful it can be for someone to meet a boyfriend's or girlfriend's parents for the first time. He says, "It's a difficult time because we may see our significant other as an adult, but parents see the child they've known since birth." This may be why it is sometimes hard to figure out how to meet your child's boyfriend or girlfriend. Of course, there are other factors that come into play, such as travel distance.
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Difficulty:
Moderately Easy
Instructions
If You're Too Far Away
1
Make a plan to meet somewhere halfway, if distance is the main problem in getting together. For example, choose a restaurant that is at the halfway mark and plan to make it last a few hours.
2
Offer to carpool back from the restaurant to your home or theirs, if you want an overnight or weekend visit in order to get to know each other better. Then drive them back to their car when the time comes for going home.
3
Go to them if distance and lack of money is the issue of not being able to meet your child's boyfriend or girlfriend. Make sure to clear the dates with them beforehand so you are not disappointed to learn that they are too busy with work, classes or previous engagements, which often happens during a surprise drop-in.
If Nerves Are Too Much
1
"Find out as much as you can about the family, find out where they're from, what they're interested in. ... Just try to get facts, get information, so you have a basis on which to have a conversation," psychologist Dale Atkins said in a Chicago Tribune interview.
2
Have a few phone conversations, based on what you find out, to get to know one another better before meeting face-to-face. This will help calm any unnecessary nerves and take some of the pressure off that first meet-up.
3
Plan a homecoming party and invite some of your child's friends to meet the boyfriend or girlfriend at the same time. This can help alleviate the worry of having to make small talk with someone that you do not know.
Tips & Warnings
If you plan a party around the holidays, make sure to ask your child if her significant other has any food allergies or other dietary restrictions. Also, include the boyfriend's or girlfriend's holiday celebrations in with your own to create a welcoming atmosphere. Tony Jurich advises his students that "The first thing to do is...try to understand them and their rules and their values...whatever their traditions are--particularly around the holiday time, traditions are very important."
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