How to Date a Loner

Introverts make up some 20 to 30 percent of the U.S. population. While not all introverts are loners, loners are nearly always introverts. While loners, by definition, prefer to spend most of their time by themselves, they often also crave relationships with the right person. However, it is necessary to understand the personality traits of introverts to have a successful relationship with a loner.

Instructions

1. Recognize the loner's need for alone time. Introverts become drained and fatigued when forced to spend time with others without breaks. This is not a rejection of you, but rather the loner's way of recharging his batteries.

2. Avoid small talk. This doesn't mean that every conversation has to be serious. Introverts enjoy humor and lighthearted conversation just as extroverts do. However, introverts have little patience for trivialities or empty chatter.

3. Compromise and alternate. If it's important to you to have your introvert partner go with you to a certain event, let him know that you appreciate the effort he would make to go along with you. You should also be prepared to stay home with him in the future.

4. Find activities you can enjoy together. Classic introvert activities include long walks and reading together. However, you also can enjoy more active recreation with an introvert, such as bicycle riding, running or even small gatherings with people you both know.

Tips & Warnings

• Appreciate the fact that the introvert has chosen you. She may not tell you her feelings, but she will often demonstrate her affection for you in nonverbal ways.

• Introduce your friends to your loner partner individually or in small groups. Once a loner becomes comfortable with people one-on-one, it is easier for him to tolerate socializing in groups, at least for short periods.

• Don't push the loner into social activities in an effort to "cure" her personality faults. If you do not allow the loner the time she needs, she will become moody and eventually will withdraw from the relationship.

References

• Redbook magazine: Marriage Makeover--"My husband's a homebody -- but I'm not!"
• The Adventurous Writer: Extroverts and Introverts in Love---How to Build Strong Relationships
• The University of Texas Health Leader: Introverts vs Extroverts

Resources

• Marti Laney: Being an Introvert
• BrianKim.net: Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts
• The Sedona Method: When Extroverts and Introverts Collide in Love Relationships