How to Influence People & Conversation
Honing your ability to influence people through conversation can improve your life in a number of ways. Many people converse without thought or attention. When you focus on the people you are talking to and pay attention to what you are saying and what you want to accomplish in a discussion, you can transform casual conversation into a purposeful tool to win people over.
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Instructions
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Match the mood of the person to whom you are speaking. The first thing you should do in any conversation is size up the mood of your conversation partner and attempt to match it. Mismatched moods can be an instant conversation killer. Mood can be judged by tone of voice and body language--hand gestures and facial expressions. When your own tone of voice and body language match those of the person you're talking to, that person will immediately feel comfortable with you.
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Ask questions that people will respond "yes" to at the beginning of the conversation. In the seminal self-help book "How to Win Friends and Influence People," Dale Carnegie says, "In talking with people, don't begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing---and keep on emphasizing---the things on which you agree." This simple action establishes a pattern of agreement and helps to influence people to your way of thinking when more challenging issues arise in the conversation.
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Allow other people to do most of the talking in a conversation. A frequent mistake made by those who are trying to influence others in a conversation is to do the majority of the talking. Stop talking and listen to what the other person has to say.
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Use questions to steer the conversation in a particular direction. Rather than overpowering conversations by charging through your ideas, you should ask questions that lead the discussion to where you want it to go. This encourages the active involvement of the other party while you still maintain subtle control of the conversation.
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Tips & Warnings
Help people to feel that they have a stake in what is being discussed. When you allow people to take an active roll in a discussion, you transform yourself from a salesperson to a master persuader. No one likes the hard sell, whether it's at an auto dealership or a dinner party. Whatever you want to accomplish, remember that people will more likely be influenced if they feel their ideas and desires are part of the conversation.
Don't monopolize the conversation or else you run the risk of heading down the wrong track entirely. If this happens, your chances of influencing people are slim.
