How to Prepare Couples for Marriage
Preparing couples for marriage can be a challenging task when wedding plans and starry dreams of forever-after are the only thing that dominates their minds. It is also different counseling those that are already living together vs. those who have chosen to save cohabitation until after taking their vows. Either way, the key is to help them communicate openly about important issues while in the process of getting married, before they become an issue.
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Instructions
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Not Living Together
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1
Have them discuss what their life goals are in terms of careers. If both are working toward attaining certain levels in the work place, they must talk about how they will work out the potential of promotional relocation, differing hours and sacrifices that one career might have to make for the other in the future.
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2
Have them talk about what is expected when it comes to finances. This includes monthly budgeting, what each considers necessities or luxuries, what type of allowance they want to have for cars and housing and other instances where couples preparing for marriage might differ in opinion on spending money.
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3
Have them discuss parenting. This includes how many children each wants to have, the care of those children if both want to remain in their careers, parenting styles (including discipline) and how it will be handled if any attitudes change over the years in regard to all of it (as it often does with growth and new-found knowledge).
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4
Talk to them about religion and what it means to the both of them. Even with the best of plans, preparing couples for an interfaith marriage means deciding on holidays and other rituals before kids, as well as what they both feel should be done in regard to raising their children spiritually.
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5
Discuss what place other family members and friends will have after they become married. Outside influences can wreak havoc on the best of relationships, so it is important that both partners are clear on what the boundaries are in regards to friendships and obligations to others in their life.
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6
Lay a tentative plan with them about how they are most comfortable dealing with disagreement in the relationship and a compromise that will work for the both of them, if they differ. Some people are better with dealing with issues head on as they arise, others can communicate easier after a "cooling-off period," which helps them to look at the problem more objectively and gives them time to formulate their thoughts and feelings in order to express them more clearly.
Already Living Together
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7
Go through all of the steps in the first section just as if they were waiting to move in with each other until after the wedding. It is surprising when preparing couples for marriage to find out that often times they have not discussed the most important issues together even when cohabiting, either waiting until they were "really sure" they were going to get married or just because they had "all the time in the world with each other" to commit to details of these plans.
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8
Ask them why they want to take the final step of a wedding after already living together as man and wife for a time. Make sure that they are doing it for themselves and not because of family or friend pressure.
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9
Make sure that one of the bigger reasons is not the romanticism of the wedding itself, especially if planning an elaborate ceremony or celebration. Many brides are let down after their "big day" and find reality harder to handle after being the "star of the show" for so many months, only to end up going back to pretty much the same lives that they had before.
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10
Talk to them about what they expect to change in their relationship after they become husband and wife. Many starry-eyed people are under the impression that a ring will make someone want to stay home more or be more affectionate or appreciate their partner more because of the deeper level of commitment that being married means to them. That is rarely the case.
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11
Help them learn how to communicate with each other. Sometimes figuring out how to prepare couples for marriage is more about guiding them on how to work on their already established relationship, rather than getting them ready for anything different.
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