How to Overcome Jealousy Within Friendships
Jealousy is most often associated with romantic relationships, but it can strike friendships too. When your friend spends time with other people or doesn't seem interested in hanging out with you as much as he once did, it may foster feelings of possessiveness and a sense that someone else is "stealing" him away. That can poison a friendship as readily as it does a romantic relationship. In order to overcome jealousy, you first need to recognize the emotions involved, and then take steps to address them responsibly.
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Instructions
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Look for specific triggers that set off your feelings of jealousy. It may be another person with whom your friend wishes to spend time, a particular phrase she uses or the type of event in which you are engaged. Once you know what the triggers are, you can better identify the underlying emotions behind them.
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Ask yourself why this action or activity causes you to feel jealous. Jealous feelings often have their roots in some underlying fear or concern of yours. It may be a fear of losing your friend, or a sense that you're not "good enough" for her. It may be a feeling of being replaced by someone who is "cooler" or "better looking." Whatever the cause, knowing what it is will help you understand how the feelings of jealousy are fostered within you, and the particular need for which your mind is attempting to compensate.
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Think about healthy ways in which you can reduce your jealous feelings. If your friend isn't available, you can spend time with other friends, for example, or foster hobbies that don't depend on monopolizing your friend's time. Sometimes you may include your friend, like going to a concern or a ball game with a group of several friends. Regardless of what it is, it should speak to the particular feeling underlying the jealousy.
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Talk to your friend in private about your feelings and ask for her help. Be open and honest, and speak about your concerns rather than demanding that she take a certain action. When you're finished, allow your friend to express her emotions as well. Then together, talk about ways you can reduce your feelings of jealousy without infringing on either one of your rights. It may take perseverance and work, but if she's truly your friend, she'll respect your efforts and help you work through your jealous feelings. The end result should strengthen the friendship rather than destroy it.
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Tips & Warnings
Friendship is based on trust, and speaking to your friend about jealousy presumes that you believe your friend will respond to it appropriately. If you're not sure how your friend will react, consider talking to someone else about your feelings--perhaps a family member. A parent, aunt, uncle, or older sibling may be able to offer insight into your jealous feelings and assure you that your friend can hang out with other people and still like you.
