How to Get a Man to Settle Down


Men scare easily. Fear of commitment, boredom and the need for change are all valid reasons why a partner takes flight. Men are not the exception. If you are trying to get your boyfriend to marry you, or stay for the long haul, knowing how he thinks--what makes him tick, and his natural inclinations will improve your chances of getting him to settle in and want to stay.

Things You'll Need

  • Negotiating tools
  • Tolerance is not always easy. You may want to go shopping for new shoes, or biking, but he wants to play video games, again. Perhaps you had planned a nice quiet evening, but he is stuck in front of the television glued to "Family Guy" or "South Park." According to Kay Hymowitz in her op-ed entitled, "Child-man in the Promised Land," male adolescence is a man's "default state" and the "Peter Pan" syndrome that you are encountering is one way he copes. If you fight it too much, he'll fear a loss of freedom and run.

  • Sense of humor is essential. He wonders if you think he's funny, because this is important. If you don't get his jokes, you don't get him. Eventually, he will feel insulted, bored or both and conclude that you and he are too different, and part ways.

  • Respect his freedom and privacy. If a man feels that he is being invaded and risks losing his sense of self, he will be more apt to end the relationship. Space is important to any relationship. If you're too clingy, call too often and demand to know his every move, he will feel distrusted and suffocated.

  • Positive thinkers know how to get results. You attract more bees with honey. Yvonne Thomas, Los Angeles Psychologist, PhD., suggests you "'sandwich your negative between two positives.'" If you have a complaint about your man's habit of leaving dirty dishes around the house, give him a compliment first, such as "You do an excellent job cleaning. But, I do wish you'd remember to put your dishes in the dishwasher."

  • Negotiating or finding a "'common ground'" is key to communication. When communication ends, so does the relationship. Therefore, when there is a disagreement about a vacation or how to spend the weekend, writing down a list of pros and cons or desires combines both of your ideas in a visually concrete manner and encourages compromise.

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