How to Deal With the Parents of Difficult Children
Difficult children are often the byproduct of difficult parents. Knowing how to deal with parents of such children is usually wisdom that educators, caregivers or mentors gain only from trial and error. Nevertheless, communicating with parents of these children can benefit children, parents and interested adults who seek to relate with consideration and respect.
Instructions
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Think before you speak. Before engaging in a conversation, rehearse what you are going to say. Despite the fact that dealing with a challenging child can be emotionally draining, remember to always stay poised when discussing a child's behavior with his or her parent. This does not necessarily mean that you must rigidly stick to a script, but simply that you must consider the power of your words before speaking them.
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Speak with specificity, not in irrelevant generalities. Parents of difficult children can quickly become your allies if you speak honestly and with specificity. However, if you make sweeping statements regarding their children, parents are likely to question your motives and judgment. For this reason, you should not balk from documenting details regarding the behavior of a child, especially withing a daycare or classroom context. By presenting facts as objectively as possible, you will also avoid engaging in an emotionally charged discussion about a child's behavior. Author Walter B. Roberts advises educators that "conferences with parents of children who bully must not get sidetracked by personality clashes or by matters over which the teacher has no control, namely, the parenting skills of the parent."
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Demonstrate active listening skills. Realize that your posture and tone of voice say as much, if not more, as any of the words that you speak. Thus, give parents your undivided attention when speaking about their children. Respond to the statements they make, and ask relevant questions. True conversations do not contain lengthy monologues, but are brimming with dialogue.
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Consider the best interests of the child when seeking to resolve matters. Children deserve caring guidance not only from parents but also from other adults within their community. Although communicating with parents of a difficult child may make you want to throw your hands up in the air, realize that the child may stand to benefit from concern, patience and problem-solving skills.
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Suggest options as opposed to delivering ultimatums. Few people respond well to blunt ultimatums. However, if you suggest options to parents, they may welcome these suggestions. Additionally, they may invite your collaboration in brainstorming options together.
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Have an exit strategy. If you feel like a conversation is descending into an argument, exercise your right to retreat. Knowing how to deal with parents who refuse to engage in rational discussion is essential if you do not wish for tensions to escalate. Consider providing parents with your email address, and encourage them to address their concerns to you in writing. This will provide parents with a means to carry on a conversation to their hearts' content, and you can respond at your leisure.
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Tips & Warnings
Choose parent-friendly environments where you can discuss matters with parents. Such environments should be distraction-free and conducive to intelligent discussion.
You cannot force parents to discuss the behavior of a difficult child. If you meet disinterested parents, respect their decision to remain aloof. Do the best you can do by their child and don't walk away with a guilt complex.
