How to Negotiate Custody of Children With Shared Parenting
Divorces can get ugly. Couples fight over who gets the flat screen television, which house should be awarded to each spouse and who gets to claim the friends made during the marriage. While these items can raise the stress level in a divorce, nothing comes close to the decision-making process of child custody. The shared custody trend has been growing recently. Children are allowed and encouraged to share time with each parent. Negotiating a shared parenting arrangement sets the stage for both parents to be involved in every step of the child's life. The best way to negotiate such a plan is to provide objective, fair, guidelines for the judge to approve. Showing the court that you have the child's best interest at heart and are willing and able to share parenting with the other parent will go long way in the successful passage of that plan.
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Instructions
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Set school children up with one parent for Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. Set the other parent up for Monday to Thursday. This shows the judge/mediator that you understand the importance of continuity during the school week and are putting the child's needs before your own.
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Include a clause regarding parents not speaking badly about each other near the children or within earshot. Show the judge/mediator that you understand the negative impact such discussions would have on the emotions of your children, and demonstrate your willingness to have this included as part of the shared parenting arrangement.
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Be flexible when it comes to holiday shared parenting. If Christmas has always held special meaning to your ex, while Thanksgiving is a day you just don't want to give up, negotiate with your ex to tailor the shared parenting plan for your individual family rather than a template that insists that the holidays get divided down the middle. If you both love all holidays, then set the shared parenting plan so that each parent gets the children for every holiday at least every other year.
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Notify all pertinent people about the shared parenting plan. Send letters to the child's pediatrician, school principal, Sunday School teacher, scout leaders and anyone else who comes into regular contact with your child letting them know that there is a shared parenting plan in place. Have both parents sign approval of the plan and request complete access to all records, events and calendars.
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Provide a promise in the plan to send copies of all report cards and other important information related to the children to the other parent upon receipt. Include a provision in the plan for the other parent to do the same for you during the time that he/she has the children.
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Be flexible with the plan. Children get invited to parties; teenagers want to spend time with their friends. Encourage your children to talk to you about changes in their plans and be willing to modify that week's shared parenting so the children's lives are not unduly disrupted.
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Promise to encourage the children to take part in the shared parenting plan. Include a clause that you will maintain a positive attitude about the benefits of shared parenting so the children will see that modeled and emulate it.
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Tips & Warnings
Allow plenty of phone time between the children and the other parent when you have the children with you. It shows the judge/mediator that you understand the importance of contact between the children and their other parent.
Do not interfere with the shared parenting agreement without talking to the other parent first. It can create hard feelings, put the children in the middle and in some cases cost you the right to share parenting.
