How to Give a Sincere Apology
When you've offended someone, whether or not it was intentional, a sincere apology can be healing for everyone involved. Not only does it help to dissolve unpleasant emotions, it can lead to a better relationship because you're demonstrating your willingness to humble yourself for the sake of another. If you say "I'm sorry" with no hidden agenda and no goal other than resolving the difficulty your actions created, your sincere apology will almost always be gratefully accepted.
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Instructions
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Own the action that caused the offense. Formulate a statement acknowledging exactly what you did. For example, "I deliberately missed dinner with my boss and his wife because I wanted to play golf," or "I bought a dress with our credit card after I promised not to use it until we payed off the outstanding balance."
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State what you think you did wrong if you're not sure. Usually, you know exactly what you said or did that led to anger and hurt feelings, but sometimes two people can interpret a situation differently. If the person to whom you're apologizing lets you know you're on the wrong track, ask for clarification. You can't sincerely apologize if you don't know how you erred.
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Say "I'm sorry." These are the two most powerful words you can utter, if you really mean them. If you don't mean them, don't apologize. A sincere apology is not given in order to manipulate another person into doing what you want or to fulfill an obligation. If you're having trouble feeling remorse about your action, or if the offense wasn't deliberate, think about a time when someone hurt you or caused you discomfort or embarrassment. If you received an apology, remember how you felt. If you didn't receive one, imagine the impact it might have had.
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Resist the urge to qualify your apology. When you add blaming statements to your "I'm sorry," you're saying it really wasn't all your fault. You aren't owning the action; you're trying to enlist a cosigner on the guilt mortgage. If the person to whom you're apologizing needs to apologize to you as well, it must come from him.
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Promise you'll never repeat the offense. An apology doesn't mean much if you intend to keep right on doing whatever you did to cause the rift. Without a statement outlining how you plan to prevent the same thing from happening in the future, the offended person is not going to believe you and is probably not going to forgive you. If you aren't prepared to make the promise, you aren't prepared to apologize sincerely.
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References
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