How to Write a Caring Sympathy Card

Write sympathy letters by hand, in ink.

When a friend loses a loved one, he needs your support and sympathy more than ever. It can be hard for you to know what to say or how to say it, especially if you are not grieving for the deceased yourself. In situations like this, your friend knows that words are inadequate and you cannot express your sympathy fully, but it is the effort that counts. The important thing is not to find the perfect, eloquent way to write your condolences, but rather to write a short, simple message that offers genuine love and assistance.

Instructions

1. Begin your letter with a sentence that tells your friend that this is a condolence card. For example, you may write, "I was so sorry to hear about your loss."

2. Tell your friend that you are sorry and that you are thinking of him. For example, write "Please know that my thoughts are with you and you have my deepest sympathy."

3. Say something commemorating the deceased. Write about one of her finest qualities or share a brief story about something she said or did. For example, you may write, "Your grandmother was so gentle with everyone she met, and she often made me smile."

4. Offer to help in any way you are willing. For example, you may write "Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you during this difficult time," or "Let me know if I can bring food around for you sometime this week or help take care of some housework."

5. End your letter with another statement of your sympathy, such as "We are all thinking of you and wishing you comfort." Close with "Yours sincerely," "Blessings," "With love," "My fondest respects" or something similar.

Tips & Warnings

• Hand-write your letter and mail it, preferably during the week following the death.

• Keep your letter short.

• Do not write about yourself or your own life in your sympathy card.

• Do not refer to disagreements you may have had with the deceased.

• Do not write about the details of the deceased's passing.

• Do not use phrases like "I know how you feel," "It's better this way" or "It was her time." These and other similar phrases seem to measure your friend's grief or tell him that he should not grieve deeply.

References

• Comfort and Grace: How to Write a Sympathy Card;
• Funeral Poems; Discover Instant Sympathy or Condolence Letters - in Seven Steps; Andrea Miller
• Emily Post Loss, Grieving and Condolences

Resources

• How to Write a Sympathy Card: Monica's Flowers and Gifts