How to Help Your Middle School Child Find Friends
The middle school years can be trying for children and parents. As children start puberty and begin to care about being cool and fitting in, it is normal for parents to be concerned about their children's friendships. According to Washington psychologist Bob Keller, the key to helping middle school children find friends can be as simple as helping them find positive social outlets. By cultivating children's interests early, and guiding them without making decisions for them, parents can help children make a healthy transition into adulthood.
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Instructions
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Determine if your child has always been withdrawn or if something has changed recently to cause the withdrawal. Some children might prefer to be alone, while others might have trust issues that need to be resolved. If it is a new behavior, let your child know that you love him no matter what, and allow him to work through his problems. Avoid power struggles. This will encourage him to be more outgoing in other aspects of his life, Keller says. Building strong familial relationships helps children learn to make strong relationships throughout life.
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Learn to connect with your child by spending quality time with her and letting her express herself without commenting or forming judgments. Make sure she knows you accept her without reservation. When she approaches you with a concern, don't let life interrupt it and take the time to truly listen, Keller says. "When your child is ready to open up, parents need to maximize those moments. It is a rare opportunity to parent more deeply."
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Find out what interests your child. Don't allow him to isolate himself, but also avoid forcing him into activities he dislikes. Limit video game and computer time. Encourage social activities, such as sports, clubs or groups, where he will be able to interact with his peers. Parents should start early helping their children relate to the people around them and make friendships, but it is never too late to find activities that interest children. Martial arts can be a good choice, Keller says. It teaches more than just a physical skill---it also conveys responsibility and respect.
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Avoid picking your child's friends for her, but supervise her choices in friends if necessary. Some kids are more comfortable in small groups and have only a handful of friends---it is OK. Respect your child's personality. If your child has a few close friends, encourage small group activities and outings with those friends. According to Keller, parents should refrain from planning large social gatherings, such as parties, for children who are shy because, in the long run, it won't encourage new friendships but rather increase your child's discomfort.
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Encourage children to form positive relationships with good role models. This will make them more likely to learn to connect with their peers. According to Keller, "parents should interview potential mentors, teachers and group organizers to find someone who might connect well with their child. Sometimes adults, other than parents, can be a good role model choice for middle school-age students." This includes aunts, uncles, grandparents and other adults who are dependable and available to offer advice and listen. Sometimes it is easier for children to talk to adults other than their parents. Children begin to view parents as being "dumb" as they move toward the teenage years, Keller says.
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