How to Tell If Divorce Is the Answer

Dealing with marital discord can have a negative impact on your well-being and even cause physical symptoms. It can be especially rough when you and your spouse are considering divorce as a final option. Although there is no magical button to press to assess the condition of your union, there are ways to tell if divorce is the answer. Separate truth from fiction to reveal if your marriage is truly over.

Instructions

1. Examine your true feelings for your spouse. Find quiet moments to reflect on what your spouse means to you. Write down your feelings in a private journal for a more thorough assessment. Commit to staying honest with yourself, as pretending to have positive feelings won't help you face reality. Don't mistake anger over transient situations for declining love, as every relationship faces periodic discord. Finding that you don't love your spouse and that he can't do anything to change your feelings is cause for concern.

2. Check your marriage for chemistry and compatibility. While the intensity of relationship chemistry fluctuates, finding that you don't share positive feelings about your spouse can make it more difficult to work through problems. Pinpoint the start and reason for your declining feelings, as it may be possible to recover the "spark" in your marriage. Finding that nothing works to improve your perception of your spouse is a cause for worry.

3. Confront your collective willingness to make the marriage work. Realize that merely possessing positive feelings about your spouse or sharing romantic chemistry alone can't fix your relationship issues. This is especially important if concrete situations led to mistrust, as this is a cornerstone of a successful marriage. Examine your spouse's willingness to make things work, as it takes two committed individuals to forge a rewarding future. Finding that neither you nor your spouse will make a dedicated effort to address problems makes separation more likely.

4. Focus on the outcomes of interactions with your spouse. Notice if every conversation ends in an argument, or if you two can't stand to spend time alone together. Finding that you make excuses to avoid being around your spouses, or that have no desire to share your personal space, may indicate significant trouble. Apply these same rules to your spouse, as your feelings aren't the only ones that matter.

Tips & Warnings

• Expressing your feelings with your spouse can initiate beneficial discussions and suggestions.

• Attending marriage counseling may help you avoid a divorce.

• Avoid bringing up the possibility of a divorce without careful consideration. Doing so could make your spouse resentful, which makes it harder to confront issues.

• While it's important to consider the feelings of your children, it's unhealthy to stay in a loveless marriage for their sake.

References

• Family Education: How Do You Know When Your Marriage Is Over?