How to Comfort Mom After Dad's Death
It's difficult to help someone through their grief when you are grieving as well. Not only has your mother lost her husband, but you have lost your father. There are times during this period that your mom is going to take on the role of the child in your relationship. As hard as this might be for you, it's important to allow her to cling to you at this time.
- Difficulty:
- Challenging
Instructions
-
-
1
Make sure she has everything she needs and that she can take care of herself. Grief is sometimes so all-encompassing that those going through it can actually forget to eat. Do the grocery shopping, run the errands--try to cut down on any additional stress for her at this time.
-
2
Suggest going for a walk together. Behavioral biologist Paul Martin says that "even a brisk ten-minute walk can help to lift mood and dispel gloom for a few hours."
-
3
Don't feel like you need to shield your mom from being sad. Expressing her emotions is a natural part of healing. Telling your mom that your dad is better off now, out of pain now or no longer suffering does nothing but discount her pain.
-
4
Give your mom all the physical affection that you can. Hug her, hold her hand, stroke her hair. A lot of times a woman will miss the physical closeness of her husband most of all. While you can't provide that same level of closeness, just holding her will help her feel less physically isolated and more comforted.
-
5
Don't feel as if you need to fill up the silence. There will be times when your mom will be lost in her thoughts. Let her be lost. On the other hand, if she wants to talk, listen. Reminisce with her. Don't be afraid to cry with her. You are grieving, too.
-
6
Remember that your mom's grief isn't something that you can "fix" or help her get beyond, so don't try; she will get there on her own.
-
7
Remind your mom, when she is ready, that love never dies.
-
1
Tips & Warnings
Grieving is a natural process after the loss of someone we love, and there is no timetable for grief. If, however, you feel your mom is not able to handle the grief on her own, professional help might be needed.
