How to Make Your Teenager Hate You

Arguing with your teen makes them feel pressured and excluded from the family.

You probably don't really want your teenager to hate you, but sometimes you might feel like they do. To make things right with your son or daughter, you need to know what might make them hate you in the first place. Knowing this will help you avoid the same mistakes. Teenagers go through a tough and confusing time. They are trying to figure out who they are and gain independence from you. Do not take it personally when he says he hates you, or when she accuses you of being embarrassing. Remember, it's nobody's fault. There are ways to make them hate you that you can learn to avoid.

Instructions

1. Say the usual things that parents say like, "When I was your age ... " and "Don't use that tone of voice with me ... ." This makes you sound like a parent who is out of touch with how things are today. Do not resort to the same old sayings that your parents used. Consider the phrase, "Life is not fair ... ." If your teenager thinks something is not fair, explain why it has to be that way. If she thinks being home by 10 o'clock is not fair, telling her that life is not fair does nothing to explain the reasoning behind your rule.

2. Show dissatisfaction whenever possible. By never being pleased with the tasks your teenager completes and by loading more jobs onto him, you are making him want to avoid you. Instead, ask your teenager to tidy his room, pick up his magazines and put out his laundry. If your teen completes the tasks, thank him and let him know he is helpful. Stop there and do not press for more positive behavior. He'll probably feel glad to have done something nice for you and even better to get back to listening to his music.

3. Embarrass your daughter in front of her friends. If you tell your teenager off, talk about private matters, or refer to her in a childish way, you will alienate her from her friends. When your teenager's friends are present, it is nice to get to know them and be amiable, but communicate only neutral and essential facts. Do not draw them into long conversations about, for example, fashion or boys. Your teenager is likely to become embarrassed.

4. Stop trying to relate. Your teenager might hate you if you give up trying to relate to him. You can easily fall into a pattern of nagging, telling him off and being uncaring. Even if you feel your teenager is from another planet, continue to make cheerful conversation from time to time. Show that you care and that you are available to talk and provide support. Admit that you may be a bit out of touch with things in his life, but you are still there for him. Evoke respect by being honest with him.

5. Stop listening to your teenager and he will decide that you do not understand him. Instead, keep in touch with your teenager's likes and dislikes by listening to him. If he says he does like you waking him up early on a Sunday morning, respect that and amend your routine. Hear what he has to say, take it into account and respect his wishes. When he was a young child you could decide things for him, but now he has his own mind. Ask him to write a letter to you if the two of you are experiencing hang-ups with verbal communication.

6. Take away your teenagers freedom. Teenagers crave the freedom they were never allowed as a young child. Remove their freedom and they will feel like a little kid. This is infuriating for a teenager. Yet sometimes, removal of freedom and privileges is necessary for punishment. Be clear why you are removing the freedom, and do not do it to excess. Vary the punishment. Next time think of something else to remove that she can't do without, for example, music or the Internet.

7. Invade his privacy by walking into his room without knocking. As a young child he may not have minded, but as a teenager he needs to exercise his right to choose when to let you into his personal space, and his right to protect the space that belongs to him. Do not go through his bag, writing pad, magazines, drawers or any other personal belongings. Privacy is valued by a teenager, as it is by an adult.

8. Be on the defensive at all times. You may expect that your teenager will ignore you, frown at you, make a mess, arrive late or vanish out the door for hours. This behavior may make you defensive and you might snap at your teenager when she comes in. Your defensiveness makes you unapproachable to your teenager and causes more negative behavior in her. It is a vicious circle, making you even more defensive. Break the cycle by being understanding, caring and pleasant. Your teenager will appreciate the positivity.

References

• OneNewsNow; Perspectives; Don't Ever Quit -- Even if Your Teen Hates You; Mark Gregston; June 17, 2009
• She Knows Parenting: Adolescent Growing Pains; Jen Klein; Jan. 22, 2011
• Sean Covey.com: The Five Things That Annoy Teens the Most About Their Parents
• The Top 10 Blog: Top 10 Things Your Teen Hates to Hear You Say; Elizabeth Williams Bushey; Nov. 22, 2010