How to Win a Verbal Argument
How many times in the past week have you found yourself debating a point and, after several barbs, you leave the argument deflated and upset? Have you lost more arguments than you have won? Attorneys and negotiators are trained in the art of successful arguing. Follow these simple skills to help you feel like a winner and improve your confidence after your next argument.
- Difficulty:
- Moderate
Instructions
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Tips to Winning Your Next Argument
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Mental rehearsal: Before entering into an argument, rehearse responses if possible. Like a good negotiator, anticipate possible responses so points can be played out in your head first. Many fights escalate as emotions outweigh verbal abilities.
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Reassuring self-talk. Imagine a supportive cheerleader who reminds you of how well you can and are doing. Phrases repeating "keep calm" or "you are doing fine" can lend strength through the argument and calm your inner voice.
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3
State your understanding clearly. No one wants to feel unheard. Listen to the other person fully, then reinterate what you believe you heard them say. Great understanding statements are "let me see if I have this right" or "yes, I see what you are saying." Use a notebook to record possible responses. Rehearsing your message to another, or even in a mirror, often helps.
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Make your instruction clear. Check your points for accuracy, but mostly for understanding. If it appears the other person isn't fully hearing you, take a timeout. Let silence and space clear the air. In working with children and teenagers, open dialogue is a necessity. Review the discussion questions for children at goodcharacter.com/GROARK/Anger.html.
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Finish with a "thank you for hearing me" instead of a "please, hear me." Coming across as apologetic will lessen your overall message and deflate your confidence.
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Remove yourself calmly, but physically. Sticking around after a heated debate might elevate residual feelings. If possible, leave the room or area. For more information on handling potentially violent situations, visit Adults and Children Together Against Violence at actagainstviolence.apa.org/anger/athome/html.
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Tips & Warnings
If you think emotional, mental or physical violence is a possibility, protect your safety. Leave the area immediately, and seek assistance. Never place yourself in a position that could quickly escalate and leave you in a harmful situation. If you are addressing a peer or employee, request that a neutral party be included.
