How to Break up With Someone and Still Be Friends
Breakups are often characterized by broken hearts, wounded pride, hurt, anger and bitterness that can interfere with transitions into meaningful friendships after romantic ties are severed. But just because your relationship didn't work out as romance doesn't mean that you can't still appreciate one another's company. If you want to try to pursue a friendship after a failed relationship, it can be challenging.
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Instructions
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Be gentle, yet earnest when initiating the breakup. Keep your conversation as positive as possible. Focus on why you believe breaking up is best for you both, and why you still love and respect your former mate.
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Establish your hopes for a friendship before the conversation ends. Let your ex know why your friendship still means a lot to you, and why you believe sustaining it is possible. Let him know that you understand if it's the last thing he wants to think about right now, but that you'd appreciate being able to make the effort after some time passes.
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Give yourselves necessary space and time apart. You'll both need to allow the break up to sink in as a reality for emotional wounds to begin healing. Necessary time apart may vary anywhere from a week to a couple of months, depending on the circumstances of your relationship -- how long you were together and the difficulty of the breakup -- so trust your instincts.
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Break the ice by reaching out tentatively. Call, text or email just to see how everything has been going. The conversation may be more awkward than easygoing, but your goal is to test the waters for willingness to try and begin moving forward as friends. Stay away from any mushy exchanges such as "I miss you," even if you do, as such statements can mistakenly indicate a desire to reignite your romance.
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Invite your ex to hang out, ideally in a group setting, once your tentative exchanges begin to feeling natural again. For instance, you might tell her that you and your friends are having game night in a couple of days, and you would appreciate if she would come. Keep your intentions crystal clear and refrain from muddling the friendship effort in any way that could be mistaken as an effort to resume a relationship.
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Establish and commit to boundaries. Once you begin hanging out again, it can be easy to slip back into that familiar relationship feeling, especially if either of you is still in love. Attempting a "friends with benefits" arrangement may seem like a reasonable compromise for a while, but will probably only cause potentially irreparable damage as painful memories resurface of why you broke up in the first place. Spiraling into what could feel like another hurtful break up may be even more difficult than the first one.
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Tips & Warnings
Moving on can be difficult, so don't take it personally if your ex won't respond to or cooperate with your efforts. Respect your ex's to continue life without you, even as a friend, if that's his decision.
References
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