How to Cope With Divorce & the New Girlfriend
Coping with divorce is never easy, especially when your estranged spouse moves on quickly and starts dating someone. You might feel threatened that a new girlfriend will replace you as your children's mother figure, which can cause jealousy and anger. However, by employing ways to cope with both divorce and your ex's new girlfriend, you can rebuild your life.
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Things You'll Need
- Support group for divorce
- Paper journal or notebook
- A few books about divorce
- Activity class or hobby
Instructions
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Instructions
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Join a support group for people who are in the middle of divorce. Contact your county courthouse for referrals. Many court systems hire professionals who set up programs to help individuals and families cope with divorce. Support groups will also be able to help you work through practical issues and emotions connected to your former husband's new girlfriend.
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Don't make negative comments about your estranged spouse and his new girlfriend in front of your children. That will make most kids think they will have to choose sides. Making negative comments to your kids about the girlfriend is wrong because she might become their stepmother, thus creating more conflict for them.
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Keep a daily journal to help sort out and express your feelings. A journal will help you cope and vent your frustrations without weighing people down with your divorce stories. Include how you feel about your divorce, your former spouse and his new girlfriend.
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Read books geared toward how to cope with divorce. Divorce books are written to help readers understand how to heal their hurt feelings. According to "Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends" by Bruce Fisher, there are 19 blocks of recovering from a divorce that you must work through before you reach the freedom block of getting over being hurt. When you hurt, be strong for yourself and for you children. These types of books also teach parents how to help children cope during divorce and to help them understand that they are not to blame.
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Heal from your divorce before getting involved with another person. You must heal before you will be able to move on and let someone into your heart. Your children also will need to heal before you begin dating. According to Dr. Amy Stark of DrAmyStark.com, "Since you are a parent, you know that it is important to convey the right message about relationships and sexuality and because of that it is important to think things through, remembering that your behavior is sending a message to your children and that they will eventually model your behavior in their relationships." When they are reeling from the divorce and its newness, don't spring someone new on them.
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Take classes so you get out of the house and don't become isolated. Go to your YMCA and ask for a class program. Choose one that interests you to help take your mind off your divorce.
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Tips & Warnings
Consider talking to your former spouse about attending family counseling to help your children cope from the divorce.
Keep your journal in a hidden, secure spot to prevent your children or anyone else from reading it.
