How to Overcome Fear of Relationships
If you have been hurt in a past relationship, you may be uncertain and apprehensive about exploring a new one. Fear is natural any time you pursue something new. But continual fear can prevent you from experiencing the stability of a quality relationship. There are ways to understand why you fear and how you can move forward.
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Instructions
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How to Overcome Fear of Relationships
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Give yourself time to heal. If you experience fear every time you think of getting into a new relationship, you may need more time to grieve the death of an old relationship and heal your wounds. Don't be hard on yourself. Take time to work through those difficult emotions. WebMd reports that it can take two or more years to go through the grieving process when someone dies.
"The length of time spent grieving depends on your relationship with the lost person, object, or way of life. Even after 2 years, you may re-experience feelings of grief, especially over the loss of your loved one," the medical website reports.
Often a lost relationship can feel like a death. Remember that it takes different people different amounts of time to move forward. Don't put yourself on a timeline.
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Identify the root of your fear. Sometimes it is difficult to get beyond the emotions of fear. You know how you are feeling but you haven't explored why. Pinpoint the root of your fear by asking questions such as why you're afraid, which life event has caused you to fear and who has hurt you in your life. By spending a little time being introspective, you will come up with a few reasons for why you are fearful.
Psychologists have explored how individuals can face social phobias through a related practice. Through "exposure therapy," writes WebMD writer Theresa Defino in her article "Virtual Plane Calms Flying Fears," a person is "gradually exposed to increasingly worse scenarios of the type they fear. For example, if you have a fear of riding in an elevator, you would first be asked to picture yourself in one, then you would stand in one with the door open and gradually you would learn to push the button and go for a ride. The logic behind this type of therapy is that we learn -- over time and with experience -- that the things we fear happening, such as the elevator falling, are very unlikely to happen."
The therapy is sometimes controversial, but it shares a common thread with learning to be introspective. In both cases, individuals learn to face their fears.
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Be realistic and fair. You may have dated a jerk, but just because your ex treated you poorly does not mean every future girlfriend or boyfriend will do the same to you. While past relationships will inform your decisions in future ones and may still really hurt you, you can evaluate new potential dates individually. Give people a fair chance. You may be surprised how interesting you find that person and how you really are open to a new relationship.
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Seek the help of other mental health professionals. There are several anxiety disorders that can cause individuals to fear, including generalized anxiety disorder and social phobias. It's not your fault that you are dealing with fear, but there are licensed mental health professionals who can guide you and give you strategies to help address these conditions. Also, if you have reason to fear relationships because you are in an abusive one, you should seek the help of law enforcement and licensed social workers and counselors. The same goes for any individual who has experienced sexual or physical abuse in past relationships.
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Tips & Warnings
The National Institute of Mental Health reports that the brain plays a significant role in understanding why we fear:
"The amygdala is an almond-shaped structure deep in the brain that is believed to be a communications hub between the parts of the brain that process incoming sensory signals and the parts that interpret these signals. It can alert the rest of the brain that a threat is present and trigger a fear or anxiety response. It appears that emotional memories are stored in the central part of the amygdala and may play a role in anxiety disorders involving very distinct fears, such as fears of dogs, spiders, or flying.
The hippocampus is the part of the brain that encodes threatening events into memories. Studies have shown that the hippocampus appears to be smaller in some people who were victims of child abuse or who served in military combat."
