How to Help a Friend Who Lost a Baby

Each person who has lost a baby reacts differently, and each person finds their own way to grieve. According to BabyCenter.com, it is impossible to gauge how a loved one will react to losing a child. The simplest and most basic thing you can do is be present and listen. Make yourself available and be sensitive to what your loved one is going through.

Difficulty:

Challenging

Instructions

1. Let them know you are there. Call your friend and offer condolences. Let her know you are there for her if she needs anything. Leave a message, send flowers or a card if she doesn't answer or wants to be alone to grieve. Even if your friend doesn't reach out to you right away, she will know you are there if she needs you. Keep it simple if you're unsure what to say. A simple, "I'm sorry for your loss" or "I'm here for you" is often all you have to say.

2. Offer support to the father, too. Often, the focus gets shifted to the women and fathers get lost in the shuffle. Offer the same support to both friends, as they have both shared the same loss. Let him know you are there for him if he wants to talk, or even just offer him a hug. Stay consistent with your support; don't assume that after a few weeks, everything will be fine. Be available for your friends as long as they need you. There is no timetable for grief.

3. Don't be afraid to talk about the loss. Ask your friends how they are doing each day. If they want to talk, listen. Don't force conversation. They will talk when they are ready. Let your friends lead the conversation to show them that you care. Let them open up at their own pace.

4. If you have children or are expecting, don't be afraid to call ahead before you visit. Some couples find it very hard to be around children after a loss, while others are hurt when they feel they are being avoided. Don't be afraid to ask prior to visiting.

5. Don't suggest what your friends should be doing or feeling. Don't tell your friends that they should or shouldn't cry or to "be strong." Making your friends feel that they should be over the loss of their baby will make them feel worse or that they aren't coping as they should.

References

• Baby Center