How to React to a Child's Aggressive Behavior
Aggressive behavior is disrespectful, inappropriate and abusive. How to react to a child's aggressive behavior depends on several issues: age of the child, cause of the aggression, degree of aggression and if it is first-time or repeat behavior. A frustrated three-year-old throwing a glass of milk on the floor for the first time is different from an argumentative 13-year-old who regularly hits her mother. Reactions to a child's aggressive behavior, as with all discipline, should begin with the least invasive action and progress toward more strident interventions as the behavior requires.
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Instructions
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Handling a Child's Aggressive Behavior
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Use verbal prompts. With some children, potential aggression comes with noticeable signs: agitation, clenching of hands, tears, yelling or pushing into another individual's personal space. A verbal prompt, provided early enough in an aggression cycle, might thwart the aggression. Use a statement acknowledging increased anger or frustration, followed with a suggestion to take deep breaths or sit quietly and count. Ask a question as to which of two solutions might help the child calm down.
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Remove the child to a separate area. If a verbal prompt does not work, put him in his bedroom, the den, the basement, the garage or in the yard. Let him vent his anger in a space away from the rest of the family. This protects the rest of the family from being hurt or attacked. Tell him he is welcome to join the family when he is calm and after he has cleaned up anything he may have thrown or broken.
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Walk away. If an aggressive child continues to escalate, in spite of verbal prompts or removal to another room, disengage and walk outside or to another room in the house. Aggression is fueled by the interaction of argument, continued engagement and an audience. Remove yourself from the scene of the aggression and the aggressive activity often stops. Stay away long enough for the child to calm herself.
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Provide a consequence after the aggressive incident. In the midst of a meltdown, a child is unable or unwilling to follow directions. After he is calm, later in the day, or even the next day, remind him that his behavior was unacceptable and that he has earned himself a consequence. Provide a consequence that rebuilds trust with the family or that reinforces the negative nature of his behavior. Trust-building consequences might be preparing dinner for the family or doing chores for family members. Negative reinforcement consequences could include a writing assignment about appropriate ways to show anger and frustration or doing extra chores around the house. The American Academy of Pediatrics reminds parents that giving a consequence helps children take responsibility for their actions.
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Involve professionals. If a child has had more than one or two incidents of aggression, or the aggression is not age-appropriate, parents should seek the advice of their pediatrician or a mental health provider. Causes of aggression are numerous and may involve biological, emotional or mental health issues. A professional will determine the cause or causes and create a treatment plan.
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Involve law enforcement. Unchecked aggression puts the violent child, the family, peers and the community at risk. Some communities have programs to assist youths at risk of aggressive and violent behavior. If a parent or other member of the family is under duress from an aggressive child, call 911 for immediate help.
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