How to Start Conversation with Anyone

Friendliness goes a long way in starting a conversation.

As Joshua Uebergang of the website Tower of Power points out, people find it easy to start conversations with friends. With friends, we aren't afraid of being judged. With friends we are experts on appropriate topics that are likely to result in extended conversations. Losing our fear, then, and learning ways to trigger conversations that go somewhere are the keys to being able to talk to anyone.

Difficulty:

Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Observe your reactions when you find you want to approach someone. Do you instantly feel anxiety? Is your mind saying you'll make a fool of yourself if you try? These inhibitions block confidence, a necessary component of striking up a conversation.

2. Release fear-based inhibitions. This requires practice and persistence. Invalidate negative internal thoughts by making logical arguments against them. For instance, if you fear you'll be uninteresting, you can counter that by telling yourself you can always talk about things you find interesting with the person you want to approach. If you have difficulty countering your negative self-talk, imagine what a supportive friend would say.

3. Stockpile a few tactics for finding opening topics. You'll find links to some ideas in this article's Resources section. Safe bets include finding something about a person to complement, commenting on something interesting going on around you and noticing tell-tale signs of something a person is interested in -- say, a certain cause, this discovered by a logo on a tote bag -- and then bringing it up.

4. Use body language as part of opening the conversation. Have a relaxed and open posture, look friendly and establish eye contact.

5. Keep the conversation going by asking open-ended questions that delve deeper into a topic the person you're conversing with appears to be interested in. For instance, in a conversation about a worthy cause a person is passionate about, you might ask how she got into it. If the topic seems to be petering out, ask about a related topic that might bring up other activities the person is passionate about.

6. Practice striking up conversations with people you know you'll never see again -- people stuck in line with you, a substitute mailman, a hotel clerk -- anyone with whom you don't have to fear the consequences of rejection. The more you practice, the more natural it will feel to start conversations.

Tips & Warnings

• Learn about intercultural communication and etiquette to avoid giving offense when trying to strike up a conversation with someone of another culture. For instance, as pointed out in "Intercultural Communication: A Reader," in some cultures, failure to lower your eyes when dealing with someone older or in a higher societal position is offensive. In the United States, on the other hand, eye contact is said to convey honesty.

References

• Tower of Power; How to Start and Keep a Conversation Going With a Guy; Joshua Uebergang
• University of Northern Iowa Business School: Body Language
• "Intercultural Communication: A Reader"; Larry A. Samovar and Richard E. Porter; 2000
• Internet Influence Magic; How to Start and Continue a Conversation (Part 1); Paul Hancox

Resources

• Tower of Power; 101 Conversation Starters People Love; Joshua Uebergang